Best thing I've seen in weeks

I want to be best friends with Poehler and Fey!

Right now

I'm trying not to tweak out, run downstairs and start wildly pounding on the door of the garage where the "band" is practicing. Their bass player has cranked his sound. So I have been hearing the same simple bass guitar notes repeating for ... about two hours now. I'm really sick of it. It was a beautiful night and I wanted to read with the windows open. No go. Now I'm sitting here with everything shut tight and I can still hear the three notes. Over and over. Constant same rhythm. LEARN SOMETHING ELSE!!! Better yet-- just turn down your amp. Or best of all-- STOP NOW.

I am the grinch.

In other news, two men I previously admired, have really dissapointed me.

John Edwards admitted to an affair and the news of this is trumping Russia invading Georgia and the Olympics starting in China. Words cannot express my disappointment. I don't think an affair means you're a terrible person but it certainly doesn't win you any points with me. And besides the obvious hurtful betrayal of his family, it feels like a betrayal of his supporters. If you are serious about running for President you should really steer clear of CREATING huge scandals like cheating on your wife (while she battles cancer) and possibly creating illegitimate children.

Someone mentioned in the comment sections of feministing.com that this sort of news only really bothers when said cheating politician is a pubic hypocrite who for example tries to legislate morality or condemn gays for bad lifestyles (all the while screwing a young intern). I think I feel the same way. I am a remarkably forgiving person and I'm not part of his life or marriage or anything else. I so wish the media would dig at real issues the way they dig at the personal sordid details of celebs and politicians. Ultimately it doesn't matter what consenting adults do in the bedroom as long as it doesn't break laws. I'm more concerned with our CURRENT administration breaking all sorts of laws re: wiretapping and torture and creating laws that equate birth control with abortion and make it harder for Americans to get health insurance.

And... Anderson Cooper.

Don't know if you're familiar with the Anderson Cooper vs. the Lohans debacle. But it broke my heart. I used to really admire Anderson. But no more. By all means, go after Dina Lohan, she is a gross stage-mom. But when he started mocking a 14 year old girl on national TV, he lost major major points with me. Pick on someone your own size, Anderson. Seriously. Was there really nothing better to talk about?

All hail Sarah Haskins

Sarah Haskins often appears on Feminist blogs for her HILARIOUS "target women" comedy bits. Here she is in all her glory. If she's made any other Target Women sketches that I don't have, please leave links in comments.

On "women's work"


and yogurt


and bride shows


and suffrage


and botox

Pardon me while I freak out

RQ, I feel your pain....

I couldn't settle down after watching this netflix movie.



Several times in the documentary people mention how strong women are and how amazing giving birth is.

I've never had children. And now I'm officially to scared to do it naturally OR in a hospital.

See, I've had major abdominal surgery and it sucked hardcore... so c-sections are out. And I think I'm dying when I have the flu, so not sure how my wimpy ass would tackle natural labor pains.

I guess that leaves adoption because I watched those women give birth vaginally and all I could think was, "UMMM, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?"

300th Post!!

This will be my 300th post... and I am posting what superhero I am (very deep, I know)

... sounds about right though doesn't it?



Click here to take the quiz!

3 things

#1 ... MSN asks...



Which new tough guy can take the title?

*sigh*

Does no one remember Sigourney Weaver's Ripley (from Alien) or Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy (or frankly ANY of the women on that show)? There are kick ass WOMEN action heroes and there should be more. Try stepping outside of the box, Hollywood. SERIOUSLY. If all you can do is recycle Indiana Jones, Rambo and 007 then I give up hope.*

#2 ... Then I saw this bumper sticker at my local mall today...



...and my head exploded.

What could make this day worse?

#3 ... How about nothing but spam e-mail and crummy forwards.

However, one of my forwards had a feminist bent. So I'm passing it on:

A preacher's wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

*Well sort of, you know how I feel about Indiana Jones. He was my first real crush. Please, Hollywood, don't ruin it for me in this 4th movie.

Bloggers ask for 2 million or woman gets abortion

Did someone say .... HOAX???

From the terrifying abortion countdown clock ("oh my god, cut the blue wire! No the red!") to the story which sounds remarkably like an e-mail forward I've gotten ("I'm the Prince of Nigeria and I would love to wire you money!") this screams HOAX. This reminds me of the Yale student who claimed she induced abortions for art -- of course, eventually we learned this was a brilliant way to shine the light on anti-choice logic (or lack thereof).

The blog's description

Despite using protection, my girlfriend has fallen pregnant. We're both only 19 and at the start of our university lives. The cost of raising a child in this world is just too expensive, but we don't want to abort. Adoption is NOT an option. If we can't raise TWO MILLION US DOLLARS by JUNE 30, 2008 - We have no choice but to ABORT our BABY. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Can you HELP?

Now this could get really, REALLY interesting because it has the potential to show the true colors of anti-choicers.

The hoaxer makes a valid point:

The cost of living is prohibitive, rental properties are too expensive and the cost of raising a baby is just insane, even with the government's baby bonus. We want to try and raise the child together but can’t afford to move out of home and away from our families. We come from pretty traditional ethnic families who sure as hell won't let us stay at home and raise a child.

Hmmmm, what to do?

A real pro-lifer would give some cash, no? I mean, they're willing to tirelessly lobby our legislatures and our courts. They'll picket clinics, patients and even the construction companies who BUILD clinics. They organize Marches for Life in Washington DC and travel the country with gruesome billboards comparing abortion to the Holocaust and slavery -- I mean, wouldn't this be way easier?

They could possibly eliminate abortion if they eliminated factors like poverty. If every pro-lifer pitched in, how many abortions could they stop?* Studies show that one of the main reasons women choose abortion is they can't afford to care for a child.

But I really, sincerely doubt that this couple will make 2 million. In fact, right now they're sitting at just 55 cents. With just over a month to go.

How can this be???

Because anti-choicers are less about saving the innocent unborn and more about finger pointing. Gruesome displays and pickets and restricting women's rights are TONS more fun than opening up your pocketbook and doing something concrete to fix the problem of unplanned pregnancy.

What I predict will happen...

-- Lots of finger pointing--
-- "YOU got into this mess. YOU have to take responsibility."
-- "Abortion is murder. You won't be able to live with yourself if you murder your baby."
-- Somehow this will get blamed on feminists.

Therein lies the brilliance of this hoax. It will essentially reveal that the true "pro-life" goal --- not to help people but to shame them and deny them options. A project like this, where the fetus is essentially in 'pro-life' hands (or pocketbooks), may just make their tiny heads explode.

But just to be clear, this IS clearly some sort of hoax. If you do want to carry a pregnancy to term, you do it-- you find government aid and try and make it work. If you don't want to surrender your life to struggle and aren't invested in bringing a child into the world, you adopt or abort.

And if you want to make 2 million dollars, you create an elaborate hoax that plays heavily on people's emotions.

* Some might argue "What are pro-choicers doing to reduce the abortion rate, why are you putting it all on 'pro-life' people?"

Funny you should ask. Pro-choice people are progressives who fight for universal healthcare, better minimum wage, paid maternity leave, affordable childcare and they are also the same people that fight for accurate sex education and available contraception.

So yeah, we're doing 80 BILLION times more than any anti-choicer EVER did to reduce abortions.

Abstinence the Condom

Via.

Hooray for the Midwest Teen Sex Show

Atta girl!

I originally saw this on Elizabitchez and also here-- a blog post rightly labeled ,"THIS is how you take on Faux news".

For a condensed video



I am so proud of Hillary Clinton here. This is the Clinton I saw in North Dakota, a poised and powerful speaker. Anyone who can handle Bill O'Reilly with this much grace deserves some major props.

She didn't take the bait when he tried to tell her how unlikeable she was, how her health plan would certainly fail, and she didn't even get mad when he suggested that the Clinton family money was all Bill's and she was trying to take it away. I also thought she responded very professionally to the Rev. Wright controversy.

I see that some sites are taking Clinton to task for making the joke about "rich people, God bless us," as if she's being arrogant. It should be quite obvious she was mocking Bill O'Reilly for his anxiety that his 'hard-earned' (HA!) money might go to some drunk bum.

This is the woman I'm proud to support. She's not perfect but she has great ideas and a lot of experience. If this is how she handles asshats like O'Reilly, I feel 100% confident in having her as my President.

Totally unrelated but amazing article-- check this out.

For Adrienne

After my post where I detailed the large project at work that had me going mad, Adrienne asked 'So what DOES a golf swing say about a business style?'

According to the big-corporate, male-dominated viewpoint that wrote the outline... this:

X. Golf Course Insight

A. Golf cuts more directly to the psyche than other games or situations.
B. It’s astonishing how so simple a game can reveal so much.
C. The gimme putt

1. Some people refuse all gimmes; Translation – It’s hard to do a favor for people like this.
2. Some don’t wait and assume it’s a gimme; Translation – Big ego, They won’t ask you for a favor either; they expect it.
3. Some half try – if it goes in, fine; if it doesn’t, they weren’t really trying and count it as a gimme. Translation – these people are hard to pin down, have a capacity for self deception, and tend to exaggerate.


Well now, don't you feel smarter?

Heidi Montag is NOT a feminist hero

Heidi Montag: Reality "star"... republican... and feminist hero???


Feministing reported last week that Ginia Bellafante (of the NY Times) wrote a piece on the MTV reality show the Hills, in which she referred to Heidi Montag as a "feminist hero."

Defying our expectations, Heidi has emerged as a kind of feminist hero this season, climbing her way to a bigger position at the event-planning company where she orchestrates Nascar parties, and refusing to acquiesce to the demands of her fiancé, Spencer, that she get herself home on time. Her career-mindedness sets their relationship off course. Heidi identifies the problem with no name: a boyfriend who sits around an apartment decorated to look like an ’80s video arcade while trying to deny Heidi a real wedding with the glory of registering. Her groundswell of self-assertion begins when he insists on eloping, prompting Heidi to declare, “This isn’t, like, Spencer’s relationship and you decide what we do.”

Can we say gross?

Of all the amazing women out there doing amazing things, the NY times highlights Montag as some sort of return to classical feminism? Its a god damn conspiracy is what is it!

But then again Bellafante was the writer who famously asked (on the cover of TIME magazine, no less) "Is Feminism Dead"

Feminism is dying only if you consider Heidi Montag to be the face of the movement...

Montag has recently come out as supporting John McCain for the White House. (Yes, I linked to Perez Hilton)

No self-respecting feminist should vote McCain-- not with that record on women's rights. This is the guy who said:

Q: "What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush's policy, which is just abstinence?"

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) "Ahhh. I think I support the president's policy."

Q: "So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?"

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) "You've stumped me."

Got that ladies? This guy can't get behind sending condoms to Africa to stop the spread of HIV. He's just STUMPED.

I mean, I always knew Montag had bad taste in men but really....... she has no excuse here.

A Friday Giggle

I'll show you bitches how to headbang

Because sometimes we just need something that makes us smile.

(click to watch awesome video)

Happy on the way home

It's frickin' freezing here today!!

Most people go outside only when forced. And they spend that time keeping their head down to avoid the wind.

Days like today you're really thankful for those extra special swear words-- like, 'm*therf*cker' -- that's a good one for below zero temperatures with wind chill.

As I walked into my apartment I saw something amidst the snow, it made me really happy...


Aha, what is up ahead?




WOW-- it's contraception to the rescue!

YAY! Someone in my building knows about Plan B and is using it to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

It's enough to make me warm inside!

Who I am-- a Bitch

I wish I could take credit for writing this! I received it today in an email and thought it was so perfect! This is for all of the critics out there who can't stand women with opinions. ENJOY. And I am proud to be a BITCH.

***

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way,
they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.

It means I live my life MY way.

It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

We'll always have Paris....

A few days ago, I finally saw the iconic movie, "Casablanca." It is fabulous and would I recommend it to all. After watching it, I looked it up on International movie database (for website, see my list of links to the right). I found some fascinating trivia. I compliled what I thought were the best tidbits of info. I hope it will be entertaining to those of you who have seen it and if not, you really must go out and rent it! Better yet, you can buy it at Target on DVD....

I hope you enjoy....

TRIVIA!

The script was based on the unproduced play "Everybody Comes to Rick's".

The song As Time Goes By" was almost not used! The music director wanted to compose something original for royalties. However, Ingrid Bergman had already cut her hair very short for “For Whom the Bell Tolls” therefore could not re-shoot already-completed scenes that had used "As Time Goes By.”

The piano playing character of Sam, was almost a Samantha. Producers wanted a female. Hazel Scott, Lena Horne, and Ella Fitzgerald were considered for the role.

A man named Dooley Wilson played Sam. He was actually a professional drummer who faked playing the piano.

No one knew right up until the filming of the last scene whether Ilsa would end up with Rick or Laszlo. During the course of the picture, when Ingrid Bergman asked the director with which man her character was in love, she was told to "play it in between".

The movie was made during World War II. Consequently scenes could not be shot at airports after dark (for security reasons.) They used a sound stage with a small cardboard cutout airplane. To give the illusion that the plane was full-sized, they used little people to portray the crew preparing the plane for take-off.

The Director of Casablanca, Michael Curtiz', had a Hungarian accent. This often caused confusion on the set. He once asked a prop man for a "poodle" to appear in a scene. The man searched high and low for a poodle while the entire crew waited. He found one and presented it to Curtiz, who screamed "A poodle! A poodle of water!”

Conrad Veidt, who played a Nazi, was well known in the German theatrical community for his hatred of the Nazis. In fact he was forced to hurriedly escape the country when he found out that the SS had sent a death squad after him because of his anti-Nazi activities.

Many of the actors who played the Nazis were in fact German Jews who had escaped from Nazi Germany.

Humphrey Bogart's wife continually accused him of having an affair with Ingrid Bergman, often confronting him in his dressing room before a shot. Bogart often came onto the set in a rage.

To maximize profits from foreign distribution of the film, the studio suggested that any unpleasant characters other than the Nazis should also be from an enemy country, namely Italy. This is why Ugarte, Ferrari, and the dark European pickpocket are Italian.

The difference in height between Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman changes throughout the film. This is because Bergman was actually a few inches taller than Bogart, to create the illusion that it was vice versa, Bogart stood on boxes and sat on pillows in some shots, or Bergman slouched down. Bogart often had to wear platform shoes as well .

In one famous scene there is a “battle of the anthems.” The French crowd at the night club begins to sing "Marseillaise" in order to drown out the Nazi’s singing "Watch on the Rhine." Many of the extras had real tears in their eyes; a large number of them were actual refugees from Nazi persecution in Germany and elsewhere in Europe and were overcome by the emotions the scene brought out.


*****

The movie has some of the most memorable lines in all of cinema. Here are some
interesting facts about the dialogue:

Captain Renault's line, "You like war. I like women," was changed from "You enjoy war. I enjoy women," in order to meet decency standards at the time of release.

In the German version, the immortal line "Here's lookin' at you, kid", became, "Ich seh' Dir in die Augen, Kleines" which translates as "I look in your eyes, honey".

Rick never says "Play it again, Sam." He says: "You played it for her, you can play it for me. Play it!". Ilsa says "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By"'.

The movie's line "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By'." was voted as the #28 movie quote by the American Film Institute (out of 100).

"We'll always have Paris." was voted as the #43 movie quote by the American Film Institute (out of 100).

"Round up the usual suspects." was voted as the #32 movie quote by the American Film Institute (out of 100).

"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." was voted as the #20 movie quote by the American Film Institute

"Here's looking at you, kid" was voted as the #5 movie quote by the American Film Institute. (This line was actually improvised by Bogart in the Parisian scenes. It worked so well that it was used later on again in the film.)

The last line of the movie is one of the most misquoted lines in all of film history. It has been misquoted as, "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship" or "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship." Ironically, this iconic line was a last minute addition that was dubbed over by Bogart after the scene was shot.

*******

Casablanca was voted the 3rd Greatest film of all time by Entertainment Weekly and was voted #2 film of all time by the American Film Institute.

And my favorite bit of trivia of all….

In the 1980s, the script of Casablanca was sent to a number of major studios and production companies under its original title, "Everybody Comes To Rick's". Some readers recognized the script but most did not. Many complained that the script was "not good enough" to make a decent movie. Others gave such complaints as "too dated", "too much dialog" and "not enough sex".

HA-- Hollywood has gotten so lame...

Mindless "Efficiency"

I have a pet peeve. And I admit, it's ridiculous.

But honestly, what's with every store having the credit card swipe system for the customer? I swear, every time I have to use those things I have to swipe the card 18 times, all the while the clerk is going, "you need to go a little faster," or "slower" or "flip it the other way" or "could you just stand on one foot while you do that?"

Then as I'm easily distracted by ... you know, stuff.... like the headlines of STAR magazine for example (Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan have mud fight?), I have the clerk breathing down my neck, "okay, now press the green 'enter' button," "great, now click yes," "click the red button again to verify," "maybe it would help if you stood on one foot again," etc.

Are these supposed to be helpful or efficient? Did someone sit at a meeting somewhere and honestly say, "You know what people really want to do... swipe their own credit cards." And then some other guy at the table says "Yes, and store clerks are so busy doing other things!" Then the Guiness beer guy says, "BRILLIANT!"

Really. I'm nostalgic for the good ol' days. Take the money off my hands, give me my oreos and leave me in peace. I don't want to disarm a nuclear bomb via checkout technology that never seems to like me (the machine at Target actually ate my card once so don't tell me I'm crazy).

I just don't see what the clerk is doing other than checking me out that would prevent him/her from taking care of the credit card stuff for me. Maybe someday I will be queen of the world, and on the glorious day I will order all annoying technology burned. Then we will all feel free to flip through the pages of STAR magazine.

Not without shame, but at least without distraction.

The Weaker Sex

I'm talking, of course, about men

Correction- SOME MEN.

What has happened to men? When I was young, I watched actors like Gene Kelly and Disney movies with Prince Charmings. I had a certain idea in my head about what a gentleman was. Nowadays 'gentlemen' is word we don't even know how to define. The gentlemen breed is so rare and elusive, many believe them extinct.

Walking about my college campus, I notice that the male population is not impressive. I turn on the TV and I see more of these non-gentlemen. He's everywhere from the voiceover on the "Girls gone wild" ad, to the pathetic contestant on Elimi-Date going, "if you two kiss for me, I'll eliminate the other chick."

Before I go farther, let me stop and say -- I am dating a nice guy, I'm friends with nice men, plenty of my girlfriends are dating, or engaged to GOOD men. But the vast majority of my female friends are stuck with complete lame-asses. I look at the world around me and I feel like the "Men in Emily's life" pie chart has one huge slice labeled "DUMB ASSES." You know what I'm saying?

Do I need to define the undesirable breed of man? Cause I can!

Besides the specimen I see on campus, wearing trucker hats and "DO ME" t-shirts, (the guys who will not only NOT open a door for you, but shove past you when you're trying to open one for yourself,) there also are many prime examples on TV. I'm talking of course about the Kevin Federline's, the P. Diddy's, or frankly any male on MTV. For proof watch "Laguna Beach," Room Raiders, or "Date my mom." I can only go so far with this argument, because chances are if you're a 20-something on MTV, you're a dip-shit. But moving on…

Take a program I was watching on VH1. The Fabulous Life of ... something or other. All these celebrity men are wearing diamonds! Diamond watches, bracelets, earrings--- what the deuce? Am I supposed to be turned on by a man wearing jewelry-- not only that but gaudy female jewelry? What's next, the man purse? Oh wait….

Now back up. I'm not saying we need “manly men.” Hell no! I am an advocate for the Queer Eye makeover team. But it's the overall attitude of these men who wear "bling" -- it's the "I'm rich so totally come over here and dance on me with no clothes on" mentality. YUCK.

Then it's the stories I hear from my girlfriends. Some men have an attitude that we, as women are supposed to just be grateful they picked us out at the bar and are now gracing us with their butt-slapping presence. We're supposed to overlook the fact that they have no ambition in life and apparently no cleaning supplies in their entire apartment. I mean-- these guys expect to get laid? COME ON!

These are the same guys that get offended when we aren't laughing at their dumb blonde jokes, or turned on by a shirt called a "wife beater." By the way--- shirt name-- NOT COOL.

I see them all over. In bars, in class, on TV. They walk around with this smug, "You know you want it. I'm so awesome, check out my pimped out ride. By the way I have a huge penis."

FYI-- I don't want it. You're not that cool. Stop saying 'pimped' --it's offensive and get over the penis already!

To all the decent men out there, even if your wardrobe be not of Abercrombie origin, and your CD collection boasts no Snoop Dog, we females may still find you manly, loveable, and god-forbid desirable boyfriends.

My roommate is going to have a tumor

Sorry this is random.

But I just noticed that 99.9% of the time I see my roommate, she has her cell phone attached to her ear. I've run into her at the grocery story... cell phone, seen her driving.... cell phone, watched her walk to class... cell phone, gotten up at 1 am for glass of water... heard her in room on cell phone.

I think she has a tumor.