It has really pissed me off. So I wrote this back.
What was the point of Mr. Brorby article, “One-night standing: the Method”? Was this supposed to be edgy? A form of satire? Entertaining? I’d have to say that whatever this article way trying to be—it failed.
Call me humorless, but I don’t think it’s funny to joke about getting a woman (or anyone for that matter) into a vulnerable position in the hopes of commiting sexually assault. What I find most upsetting, besides the fact that this article was ever published. is that the online comments at the D.S. website rely heavily on blaming the victim.
I don't think it was Mr. Brorby’s intention, but his article got one thing right -- he highlighted the predatory mentality of a rapist. Too many people say that intoxicated victims deserve what they get. Well let’s be clear, it doesn’t matter how much you drink, what you wear, what you say or how you act. The only mitigating factor in an assault is proximity to a rapist. It’s cruel to suggest otherwise. Otherwise we are saying that most men would rape if presented with an opportunity.
My first job after graduating UND was with Fargo’s Rape & Abuse Crisis Center. Sometimes I would be called to the hospital to sit with victims during the rape kit exam. I held the victim's hand and sometimes I would meet with the family and friends in the waiting room. I didn’t find too much to laugh about on those days.
In many of those cases, alcohol was used to facilitate the rape. Too many times I found myself reassuring the victim or her family that this did not make it the victim’s fault. The only person to blame for the rape was the rapist. The attacker found the opportunity they were looking for—that is all.
If we really want to be edgy when we talk about rape, how about we call out the victim blaming attitudes that run rampant in our communities, schools and culture? Maybe we quit suggesting that people who look for casual sex are somehow asking for rape? Maybe we run an article from Mr. Brorby where he apologizes for being thoughtless and rubbing salt in the wounds of people like me—or worse, victims of sexual assault.
I would really like to read that article.
PS: I think it would be pertinent for Josh Brorby and any editor who allowed this to run to tender resignations immediately. This article is a blot on our school’s reputation
… We’re not supposed to say the word "gay" anymore. It’s hurtful. But the commercial really bugs me. Because if you’ve seen it --- It’s two girls shopping in a department store and one of them puts on a shirt and she’s like, “Hey do you like my shirt” and the friend’s like, “It looks kind of gay on you” – and then Hillary duff comes out of nowhere and is like, ‘You shouldn’t say that!”
Oh thank you Hillary duff!
Sometimes when I find myself in a life conundrum, I think, what the fuck would Hillary Duff tell me to do with my business ---- or even Haley duff?”
I think the word we need to remove from our everyday vernacular is the word “raped.”
I think the word raped gets thrown around far too casually. You ever listen to a bunch of guys playing video games with each other online? It’s like, “Ah man you shot me in the back dude. You raped me dude!”
I’m pretty sure if I talked to a woman who’s been through that horrific situation and I said, “What was it like you know being raped?" She’s not gonna look at me and go ,”Have you ever played Halo?”
I have to say I was a little blown away by this bit. Dane Cook is not a favorite in the feminist community and for good reason-- his track record is not exactly progressive, woman-friendly or (some may say) even funny.
But this piece of his show made my jaw drop. This is an argument feminists have made for some time and here he is dropping this into a comedy routine that he knows is watched (primarily) by young, adult male fans.
I kept watching the special and actually found myself enjoying parts of it-- I was especially surprised how he could be moving and funny when talking about losing both his parents to cancer.
I read this review of the show which summed it up nicely
On IsOlated INcident, Cook covers the election of a black president and what that means for race remarks, the passing of his parents, hate mail, the overuse of the word "rape," role-playing with his girlfriend and some standard observational stuff about ordering a sandwich in a restaurant. Some of it is new territory for Cook; he's never really done political humor before, and it shows. The jokes he makes about politics and race seem written less because he has something to say on the those topics than because it's the kind of stuff that other, edgier comics do. It feels a little like he's checking items off a list.
Cook fares a little better when getting personal, talking about his parents death from cancer. It's more open and honest than the comic has ever been, and it segues into a story about an angry email he got from a non-fan. That's the first time I've heard Cook acknowledge and confront the fact that there are a lot of people who don't like him. Of course, the punchline to the bit is that Cook is victorious and still more awesome than everyone -- a recurring theme in his act. I don't think I've ever heard him be self-deprecating. I guess it's not on his checklist.
Still, ISolated INcident is the best thing Cook has done in his incredibly successful career. He seems to have worked up actual material and jokes, rather than just relying on inventing catchphrases or being overly articulate and letting the roars of all-approving laughter cover up everything that's missing. If this were Cook's first special and not some back-to-basics stunt, I would say that Cook shows promise and is a comic to watch. Instead, I get the feeling it's a an exercise; a test Cook is giving himself to prove that he can do it.
To some extent, Cook is a victim of his own press. The promotional material for ISolated INcident tries to sell us on the idea that Cook has always been a risk-taker (he hasn't) and that he's totally reinventing himself on his newest album (he isn't). If INcidentwere an indication of where Cook's career is headed, I would find that promising; though far from perfect, there are some genuinely funny moments to be found. Sadly, I suspect it's just a one-off -- a press-grabbing detour before going back to his stadiums full of screaming fans.
So what do we think-- whether or not you enjoy his style of comedy, does Cook hit a positive feminist note for calling out casual use of the word "rape" or is he the same old jerk?
I have high hopes for him because lord knows he holds sway over many adolscent male minds (and I'm not just talking REAL adolescents... I mean the 20-something men who still act adolescent too!)
Dane Cook is far from perfect but I have to admit, some of his jokes have made me laugh before. If he could make his act both funny and smart... that would be something to see...
Between going back to college, planning a wedding, looking for homes and struggling with a super busy job (all wonderful things I give you that) I've had little time to blog. But there's more pressing reasons... like for instance, with all the crap out there-- where do you start?
Sounds like Jon from Jon and Kate + 8 is cheating on his wife. But it's okay because girls are lining up to screw him. You see, Kate is really a castrating bitch and her haircut sucks.
Then there was this gem Tyler found in the men's restroom when we were out to dinner.
In case you can't read the text on this ad, it says: "Everybody & Everything gets older... isn't restored more exciting?" The photo shows a rusted out, door-less bug next to an older women with gray hair and a hot car is placed next to a young, tan woman in a skimpy bikini.
**You can contact this company and let them know what you think of their advertising-- nzcustoms@integra.net
Then there's this ad that I keep seeing -- a whole new twist on the "headless fatty" thing the press loves to do. Not only are they not human, they are over-inflated beach balls. Just what I need is some self-righteous "fat is soooooo bad for you" person searching my double chin for some release valve.
Oh and don't get me started on Perez Hilton and Miss California. Could they both win America's #1 asshole and Runner-up? Seriously...
Meghan McCain may not share my political point of view but I respect the hard work she did for her father's campaign (and she blogged while doing it!) And I respect any young woman who boldly steps into the world of politics today because, well... this happens...
Some back story: Meghan McCain has been writing on a blog called "The Daily Beast" and recently suggested that republicans and Dems should play nice. Conservative talk show host, Laura Ingraham took issue with this and spoke about Meghan on her show, not about her opinions (silly!), but about her body (of course).
***ASIDE-- Using "plus sized model" as an insult is just a total cluster of stupid-- #1 A plus size model is probably between a size 8 and 10 -- #2 Meghan McCain is beautiful and #3 Who the F**K cares even if Meghan McCain had to be wheeled around like jabba the freaking hutt?? Also, I seem to recall Laura Ingraham being one of the republican commentators that was SO UPSET about the unfair, sexist treatment Sarah Palin received. I guess republican women are only defended from sexism if they're towing the party line. Shocker!
BACK ON TASK-- The feminist community and women's online community are well aware that speaking your mind while female more often brings up comments about appearance or worse (threats of violence) than actual political discourse.
Ingraham's comment is just one more in a sea of public commentary -- political or otherwise-- that silences, mocks and demeans women for appearance. I can think of no similar situation with a male blogger or politico of any age being treated to this type of scrutiny on weight or appearance. But for women -- it's so common -- so INSANELY common that I doubt we'll hear much more on this story. Ingraham's schoolyard harassment tactics will be labeled 'no big deal,' and we'll be expected to move on.
Thank God McCain isn't taking it lying down.
Big shocker: When commenting on McCain's response, Ingraham said, “Can I say ‘lighten up,’ or is that offensive too?” She also pulled out time-honored asshole statement -- telling McCain that she needs to learn to deal with satire and “teasing.”
Word to Ingraham-- satire should be funny. Teasing should be good natured... and oh yeah, you suck! But that has nothing to do with your looks.... just your "personality."
It was Melissa McEwan of Shakesville who first pointed out the HIGHLY disturbing trend of reporting stories of violence against women in “odd news” section fronts. As if the murder and terrorizing of women is something novel or interesting and not a sad commentary on a violent, patriarchal society.
The attacker, 28-year-old Thomas Lee Rowley was described in the article as a “spurned lover” as if this was merely a spat between boyfriend and girlfriend and not a vicious attack. In fact, I’d go so far as to classify this as a sexual assault.
This man was convinced he had ownership of this woman’s breasts (which he undoubtedly associated with sex). I don’t care if he paid for 100 breast agumentations for this woman. He never OWNED part of her body.
Thankfully she survived 6 stab wounds and the punctured implants were repaired. Sadly, the story was filed here.
Thanks MSNBC
PS: Rowley is on trial in Superior Court in Victorville for attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, stalking, burglary, and false imprisonment.
I have had it with the coverage of the "Santa killer"/"Christmas nightmare" story.
They keep running these stupid, misleading headlines and it's making me crazy! From a description like that you may think a mall Santa went nuts and starting firing on shoppers or something. It's a cheap attention grabber but it's not the real story.
Bruce Jeffrey Pardo should not be remembered as the "Santa killer" --- he should be remembered as another statistic of domestic violence.
Ironically I haven't read that phrase in any articles but I HAVE seen "marital troubles" -- as if marital troubles is in ANY WAY adequate to describe, disguising yourself to gain entry to a home full of people, including your ex wife and her friends and relatives-- shooting everyone you can and setting fire to the home.
How in the sam HELL does that equate with marital problems? Marital problems are a dying sex life or too many bills. Not an ex who stalks, terrorizes and murders you and your family.
FUCKING NEWS MEDIA.
A story like this should have "domestic violence" in the TITLE. It should be noted that women are most vulnerable when they leave their abuser. And make no mistake, this man was an abuser. I'd bet my life on it. You don't pull stunts like this without having serious issues with control, entitlement, and violence.
If you hate your ex wife, you talk shit to your friends and hire a good lawyer, you don't gun down her family -- unless you are a violent, horrible person.
Some might say, 'Perhaps he was suffering from a serious mental illness and snapped.'
Far less likely.
This man planned carefully. He had $17,000 on him and an airline ticket to Canada. And the Santa suit was not only a sick, sadistic choice... it was also a tactical one. Apparently the house he invaded used to have neighbor show up dressed as Santa. So Mr. Pardo new the suit would gain him entry. He had the gun, the bullets and the gasoline ready to go. This was not a man who snapped, this was an execution. Retribution for a woman who had left him... who had gotten away... who had escaped his control. He was going to punish her.
This is merely the hundredth or so case (this year) of a woman being murdered by her intimate partner. Domestic violence against women is an epidemic. But we don't care. Even when the horror of it smacks us in the face, we ignore it. We want to sensationalize the freak-show, carnival nature. We want to talk about SANTA committing a holiday massacre.
And we want to forget that women in this country, while less likely to be violently murdered than men, are FAR MORE LIKELY to be murdered by those they call husband, lover, boyfriend.
And THAT is way more messed up than a man in a Santa suit wielding a weapon.
When I hear/see/read something that I find unacceptable, I speak up about it. You should too.
You don't have to be rude, or full out boycott *(unless you're that pissed, in which case, hey go for it)* -- but mediums like newspaper, radio and TV are all about serving the consumer. They want you to read, watch, listen to THEIR stuff. And if they are doing something to turn people off, they want to know!
I communicated with local Top 40 radio station, Y94 once before about something that didn't sit right with me -- was it effective - meh, who knows. But I said my piece and they know that one listener took offense.
Recently, I got an updated comment to that entry saying:
I came across your blog because I was upset at something I heard on y94. Not sure if they created it, but they played it.
It was like a fake PSA, where this man was talking about hating this girl at work because she had "let herself go" and she now had a "muffin top." It ended with "This message paid for by the 'I want something nice to look at when I come into work Committee'"
I was so hurt and outraged. Who's this guy to say what's attractive? and to say that women are only at work to give him and other men "something nice to look at."
I emailed the studio... I'm not sure what else to do...
thanks for listening :)
I have not heard this ad but it sounds like a bucket of stupid. I want to commend the listener for voicing his/her concern to the station. Too often I think people feel like they have to just take hurtful or abusive images/messages because, "What can we do?"
You can speak up!! You might be mocked for having 'no sense of humor' but no one can accuse you of lacking courage.
And remember, sometimes if enough people speak up about something offensive, the good side wins!
PS: Thanks to the visitor who commented on my blog and who did a courageous thing by contacting the studio. I hope you got a pleasant response!
The 23-year-old graduate student and professional photographer is replicating advertisements from Cosmopolitan, Elle and other women’s fashion magazines using “curvy” and “realistic” women to accompany a scholarly paper on the subject.
“Basically, I just want people to see what it would be like if plus-size models were represented similarly to slim models,” said Herout
...photographs that cut women up into body parts aren't innocent, cute fun.
When you dehumanize a woman and reduce her to parts -- just the ass for example. That is exactly what she becomes -- a piece of ass. She becomes SEX itself, not a whole, human being, a person with a name, a personality, an athlete....
This female Olympian has been cut up and 'othered' so much that she is now the acceptable icon for "sex" itself.
...there were the indigenous lovelies who came to watch the competitions. And then there were the female athletes - literally thousands of them - strutting, shimmying, sashaying and jogging around the village, clad in Lycra and exposing yard upon yard of shiny, toned, rippling and unimaginably exotic flesh. Women from all the countries of the world: muscular, virile, athletic and oozing oestrogen. I spent so much time in a state of lust that I could have passed out. Indeed, for all I knew I did pass out - in a place like that how was one to tell the difference between dreamland and reality?
and then there's this
...success does not work both ways. Gold-medal winning female athletes are not looked upon by male athletes with any more desire than those who flunked out in the first round. It is sometimes even considered a defect, as if there is something downright unfeminine about all that striving, fist pumping and incontinent sweating. Sport, in this respect, is a reflection of wider society, where male success is a universal desirable whereas female success is sexually ambiguous. I do not condone this phenomenon, merely note it.
I do not have the energy at this point in a Friday to talk about all the ways in which this article is tasteless, sexist and vile. I just want to get done with work and have a big f---ing drink.
There's a common phrase in my part of the world about people being "Minnesota nice." Essentially it means that when Midwesterns are pissed off and angry, they tend to be nice about it-- or at the least passive aggresive about it. Now, I could have been all pissy this morning. But that would just be exhausting and who has the energy for that?
Instead I wrote (what I hope) what a nice letter to Troy from Y94 and I'm pretty pleased with the dialogue we had.
My facebook message:
I was the gal who called in and jokingly referred to herself as the “token angry feminist” this morning.
Did I like today’s radio topic? No. Did that make me hate you as a person? Of course not. Just wanted to throw that out there. I worked in radio for four year and I know getting crabby callers isn't fun. Just to maybe I could explain it better....
When I hear “jokes” about “what girl’s can’t do” I always want to say SOMETHING. In this instance it was all “in good fun” but women tend to hear all too often (in serious conversations) what they aren’t equipped to do --- I was told (quite seriously) while I worked in radio that I probably wouldn't be around for much longer after they updated all the equipment because "girls can't figure out new technology." So you see, it’s not such a unique, fun topic for some of us … I realize other women may not mind, but I just wanted to voice my opinion that, “Hey, do we have to phrase it this way?” Couldn’t the same basic discussion happen differently?
I mean the way it was “Girls can’t do -----“ just leaves you open for A) tired sexist stereotypes—like the random caller who thought the “answer” was “throw a ball” or B) people like me, who just get frustrated by the question in the first place.
Furthermore, just wanted to say that you won’t pacify many feminists with the “what men can’t do” question. I’m a feminist, not a man hater, Troy! :) Please don’t confuse the two.
I don’t have a radio show, so take anything I say with a grain of salt, but I think you’d get way more interesting answers if you’d ask callers about stereotypes re: men and women. Look at common stereotypes in pop culture –like why on sitcoms is the hot wife always married to the neurotic schlubby guy?
Just wanted to say no hard feelings on my part, if you were feeling like an angry feminist was out to get you. That’s just my two cents on the matter. I’m glad you give the listeners as opportunity to contact you and let you know. It sounds like you and Megan are friends so I realize you weren’t being malicious at all --- just a message from a listener out here that I hope next time you change it up a bit. And don’t let anyone be too hard on the guys tomorrow— that’s no fun either.
He responded:
Tobes, believe me I understand your point. If you were in radio for years, I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience with some chauvinist. Let me tell you about a lesson I learned at a radio convention once... a very wise programmer named Tom Joyner gave us a lecture that made the point "Know how to get to your listeners emotions".
In other words, make them mad and they'll call. Make them sad and they'll call. Make them happy and they'll call. We do all of that on any given day, and that's how we're able to get the phones to ring.
That was the purpose of our topic this morning. If you've been in radio then you probably know, Megan and I agreed to do this topic before we went on the show. I didn't just spring it on her. Matter of fact, we had a meeting yesterday and decided on it then. Megan understands I didn't mean anything I said this morning. We are friends.
BTW, we've done the "hot girls dating fat/ugly guys" topic before. You must have missed it.
I understand you have a probelm with our topic this morning. Making some woman mad and gettting them to call was the idea. So I guess we got you huh?
I don't know what you do for a living, but if you'd ever be interested in getting back into radio, we're always looking for interns, and we have a hard time finding ones that are opinionated like yourself.
No hard feelings here either. I just think you were taking our topic a little too seriously. You were the only one who called with a serious objection to the topic. The rest of the women who took issue, called and took a shot at me (in a fun way). Your call on the other hand was a little too serious, so we didn't air it.
Hey, not bad. Not bad at all. I feel like I've been heard and I wasn't called a psycho or a bitch. You know -- that's seriously saying something! Often times when you identify as a feminist and are critical of a man, that's what you get. I appreciate this guy's honesty. Radio is about ratings and we all know they could say far worse or shocking things. Plus, I like to think if I was censored for being too serious, they wouldn't air a caller who was too sexist.
Hopefully, we can all poke a little fun at ourselves and if someone raises a critical question, we can respond graciously.
So I'm listening to local Top 40 radio on the way to work today and the early show, "Morning Playhouse with Troy and Megan" is doing their normal shtick -- only today they're talking about how DJ, Megan tried to back up a trailer and ended up screwing up and scratching her car.
Troy decided that this situation should spur the morning's call-in question.... wait for it...
Call in and tell us what girls can't do!
NOooooooooo!
Now I am well aware that morning shows on the radio aren't typically the place for deep conversation, but why go that route? You're just gonna piss off the intelligent people and make the douchebags out there go "heh heh... girls can't be President, just look at Hillary" - or insert other jerkwad sexist comment.
I was intrigued to see what feedback they'd get so when I got to work, I logged on to streaming radio. Some of the calls went like...
Girl's can't: -- give directions (to which Megan replied, "Guys ASK for directions?") -- throw a ball -- please a gay man (to that Troy replied, "Oh yes they can they just buy 'em a Bette Midler CD and some shoes') -- *sigh*
I struggle with this stuff. I do have a sense of humor. When I'm with my close gay friend, I joke with him that he's hit the gay career jackpot because he buys shoes for a international well-known company. When guys friend want to go see some huge explosion-fest movie, I may throw out a joke like "no thanks, I prefer something intelligent vs. a testosterone carnival!" So am I a hypocrite? I don't think so and I'll tell you why. In the company of people who know me and my politics, I feel I can be self-depricating/tease a bit more. And a big part of that is me trusting that if I ever crossed the line with a friend, they'd tell me. EG: "Okay, no more shoe jokes. I like men but that doesn't mean I qualify for every gay stereotype."
Here's the big difference... if I ever had a radio show, I would not use my time to solicit tired, lame, sexist jokes. That's just me.
My fave was when a woman called in and said, "Wow you guys just pissed off half of Fargo."
Amen. Half or Fargo and probably then some... The sexy boyfriend (tm) doesn't like those conversations any more than I do because he knows inevitably it will turn into a stereotype extravaganza of what MEN can't do (for example: ask for directions).
I decided to give a call in to voice my opinion. Shocking! I got through! So I introduced myself and apologized if I sounded like the token 'angry feminist' but I simply wanted to know why they would choose to bother with that topic. It just leaves them open to sexist comments.
Troy informed me, in a slightly UNamused voice that I needed to (wait for it...) lighten up! Obviously he was just joking and kidding with Megan and girls can obviously back up a truck. OBVIOUSLY... OBVIOUSLY...
I told him, quite pleasantly, that I didn't need to lighten up, after all... this really wasn't going to ruin the rest of my day but I thought they could discuss something more interesting/funny/valid. He informed me that tomorrow they would probably discuss "What men can't do." Oh joy. Well that makes it better.
If you want to give either one a message about a topic they COULD discuss next time -- and please make no mistake, I don'twant them receiving hate mail but obviously (OBVIOUSLY) they (more specifically TROY) need some help in coming up with topics...
Does no one remember Sigourney Weaver's Ripley (from Alien) or Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy (or frankly ANY of the women on that show)? There are kick ass WOMEN action heroes and there should be more. Try stepping outside of the box, Hollywood. SERIOUSLY. If all you can do is recycle Indiana Jones, Rambo and 007 then I give up hope.*
#2 ... Then I saw this bumper sticker at my local mall today...
...and my head exploded.
What could make this day worse?
#3 ... How about nothing but spam e-mail and crummy forwards.
However, one of my forwards had a feminist bent. So I'm passing it on:
A preacher's wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
*Well sort of, you know how I feel about Indiana Jones. He was my first real crush. Please, Hollywood, don't ruin it for me in this 4th movie.
In the video, the anchor narrates: *emphasis mine*
Ooh la la! Cindy McCain in Vogue magazine looks spectacular lounging at her seaside condo sans John McCain. Feet bare, wearing size zero jeans, she projects an image quite unlike the Cindy McCain we see on the campaign trail.
The video talks about her "usual campaign image" of clapping and smiling next to her husband and then juxtaposes the image with Glenn Close in the Stepford Wives.
But Gloria Roemer, a republican consultant, chuckles and says, "Well you know there's that old saying, "Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful" and that may apply here because she is very attractive. She can't help it."
The anchor agreed Mrs. McCain wasn’t perfect and proceed to point out that Cindy McCain suffered a stroke years ago, donates time and money to charities and is also wealthy and won't release her tax records.
According to CNN, not releasing your tax records makes you too unlike the "little people." Naturally the solution to getting in touch with that demographic is to schedule a fancy photo shoot with Vogue wearing jeans -- because "jeans are as all American as apple pie."
***
I don't know where to start.
Who wrote this tripe? Why do I need to know Cindy McCain's size of jeans? What does this say about her character or her marriage or her husband's campaign? WHO CARES?
This is the exact same sexist crap they pull on Hillary! Right down to the Glenn Close comparison I might add. Sure 'Stepford Wives ' is a nicer image than 'Fatal Attraction Glenn Close' but it's still comparing a high profile woman to ... basically a crazy person.
How can you run a story this stupid and then have a "Who us? The media....Sexist?! Never!!" attitude?
Why is Hillary painted as a bitch and why do her pantsuits matter so much? Why is Cindy McCain "vamping" and not just posing? Why does her pant size matter? Why are we analyzing a potential first lady's attractiveness and whether or not we "hate her" for being "too beautiful."
Why are we discussing her beauty at all and making it sound all catty and gross?
In the year 2008 when have our first serious female presidentail canidate (and she's still seriously in this race), why are we STILL making this a beauty pageant contest where we simultaneously hold up candidates wives for ridicule and worship.
Cindy McCain is a wealthy snobby bitch... but oh look how pretty and thin.... and ooh she wears jeans... but pity the poor thing, she had a stroke.
No. No. NO!
It's sick. And it's all part of the same patriarchal BS that's been circling Clinton (of course she's been hit much harder because she's more of a clear threat -- actually RUNNING for the job and all).
But the line that took my breath away was when CNN quoted a Washington Post article about Michelle Obama's Vogue picture where she's wearing a black dress and pearl earrings. “It's as if she's saying, 'I’m not some scary other, I am Camelot with a tan.'” Seriously? Camelot with a tan? Yeah and Hillary is just Bill with a vagina.
God sexism pisses me off. Even if I don't like the McCain family at all, this video was disturbing as hell.
I spent over an hour today reading the installments of this story. It was well worth it. Check out the video but also make sure to read this amazing story.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a post titled, "You've got racism in my sexism." And I see now that I missed the point and the bigger issue.
When I wrote it, I didn't intend to throw my hat into the pissing contest of what's worse-- racism vs. sexism. But I see now that I did. And to be fair, I still have some mixed feelings. In my opinion, the mainstream media does seem more comfortable being sexist, than racist. For instance, the Washington Post gleefully published (and defended) their Charlotte Allen op-ed piece "Women are stupid" but the idea of publishing a “Blacks are dim” article--- probably not going to get past the editor’s desk…
All that aside--- since my original post, I've been doing a lot of thinking on the subject of racism. While I may see a society that’s more sensitive to race, there’s no way as a white woman that I can gauge this.
The Utopian Eye-Gouger who says: “I’m colorblind, personally… why can’t we all just ignore race, it’s not like it’s even real… it’s not like I tangibly benefit from being white every day or anything! Can’t we all just get along?”
I see a little bit of myself in this description.
In my Midwest upbringing, I met very few people of color and all my close friends were/are white. When I meet a person of color, I tend to feel uncomfortable because I want to appear progressive and friendly. I desperately want to be perceived as this perfect, color-blind, liberal that “gets it.”
Well I totally don’t get it. It’s safe to say I will never completely understand the complex issues of racism that plague this country. I can read about them, educate myself and strive to be a good, decent human being but I’ll never get what it is to be anything other than a white American.
Racism is an uncomfortable subject for me, I want to be progressive and understanding, but I’ve had such a lack of socialization with people of other races or even other backgrounds!
My senior year of college, I took a religion course in Islam. Several of my classmates were from Saudi Arabia, Iraq and other Middle Eastern countries. This was my first time sitting side-by-side with Arab men and women. I was hyper aware (and consequently, hyper uncomfortable) about how I sounded when I voiced concerns about treatment of women in these countries.
And while I have a right to those concerns, I’m painfully aware of how obnoxious I sound as a white, American middle-class, Christian woman seemingly “passing judgment” on a country she’s never seen and on Muslim women she’s never really spoken too.
We need to tread lightly on these issues. We need to remember that as much as our gender and skin color affect the treatment we get in this world—it does not define us—it does not make us more or less qualified for a job—in this case, the Presidency.
I stand by my original complaint—in that I do feel that our mainstream media has a long way to go in addressing sexism with the same respect they often give racism (Echidne says it better than I could) but overall I am sick of the rhetoric I’ve allowed myself to fall into.
Then I saw this youtube video the other day...
It was like the light bulb clicked on—NO ONE CAN WIN fighting this way. "Hillary doesn’t know what it’s like to be called a nigger." Fine, Barack doesn’t know what it’s like to be called a cunt.
"Barack knows what it’s like to grow up in a culture that is led by rich white people." Yes and Hillary knows what it’s like growing up under the thumb of patriarchy (one of my fave Hill tidbits is that, as an adolescent girl she wrote to NASA asking how she could be an astronaut and they wrote back saying “we don’t accept women into the program.") -- well it goes on and on.
Seeing that video really pissed me off. Suddenly (when it's from the 'other side'-- go figure) I see, ALL TOO CLEARLY, why this is no-win. It's a sad, sad reality when we're so unprepared for anyone not white, male and Christian to run for President that we climb over each other in effort to prove "who's got the worst 'ism'.
Let's still take this opportunity to have productive discussions about the pervasiveness of racism and sexism in America (and how those two intersect in a real way for women of color)-- but let's shut up already when it comes to pitting Obama and Hillary against each other in the war of the ism's.
Yes SOME women might like voting for Hillary because she's a woman. Yes SOME black people may like voting for Barack because he's black. But does anyone ever ask if McCain get votes from white guys just because they want to elect a white guy??? People have always voted for the candidate who best represented their beliefs-- now is no different .
I realize I'm the last person in the world to comment on this phenomenon of the Barack vs. Hillary/Racism vs. Sexism debate. But I just hate it. I'm over all those pointless debates: "Is it harder to elect a black man or a white woman?" or "What's harder racism or sexism"? However, the more I think about this debate, the more I realize that maybe I have something to say...
As a white woman, I can never pretend to understand racial issues as a person of color would. But as a woman, I can certainly understand sexism as its been leveled at me on more than one occasion . And honestly I do think that our culture tolerates sexism more than racism (and yes, this is all the worse for women of color) .
Think about this: What's the worst name you can call a woman? Probably a cunt. And Hillary Clinton has certainly been labeled a "cunt" and worse. How about the worst name you could call a black person? How often have you seen THAT word on t-shirts sold at conservative rallies? Yes, white supremacists groups have used that despicable word against Obama, but the public at large acknowledges their evil, stupid, wing-nuttery. There's even a physical revulsion when people hear the n-word. But how many "mainstream" groups have called Hillary "cunt" with no shame at all?
And then you have this:
Man yelling "Iron my shirt!" as Clinton tries to deliver her speech.
Has anyone yelled at Obama, "Work my fields?" And if they did, wouldn't that be FRONT PAGE /headline news? Wouldn't there be loads of outraged op-eds (as there should be)? But the "Iron-my-shirt" incident was barely a blip on the political radar.
I interpret the non-acknowledgement of this shit as our culture's ultimate victim blaming. We refuse to acknowledge the seriousness of these insults and it says to Hillary and to all women, "You invite this behavior on yourself. If you stayed out of the way, this wouldn't happen."
Women are expected to put up with sexism. Did mainstream media (or anyone) rush to her Hillary's defense when she was called a cunt, a bitch, a she-deviland weirdly enough, even called a pimp and her daughter was the whore?
Then the media jumped down her throat when her voice cracked ONCE on the campaign trail-- and it's not even when she's speaking of the unfair scrutiny she has received for simply being a woman who dared to dream of being the President--- NO-- it was when she spoke of her great love of this country.
What a whiny bitch, huh?
This invisible sexism extends beyond politics. Remeber when Imus called a group of female athletes "nappy headed?" We (rightly) fired him but we also conveniently overlooked him calling them "hos." A racial slur = bad but calling a group of women 'whores'---just par for the course. However, I'm willing to bet the women of Rutgers noticed both.
Well if I speak the truth, and sexism is more accepted in this culture--- you may ask yourself, "Fine Tobes, who do you blame for this supposed problem?"
Seriously, click that link and read the whole blog post-- it wisely points out that a culture that relies on "men and women are so different" stereotypes isn't doing anyone any favors.
Today we teach our children that color is only skin deep but we still cling to the notion that men and women are fundamentally different and need to be treated as such. In the blog about MafMWafV, the blog author wisely states:
The whole concept of gender differences--particularly gender opposites--is so overblown in pop psych. I am officially sick of hearing statements in the form "Men go hoody hoo, but women go haddy ha!" Men are rational but women are irrational. Women are sensitive but men are insensitive. The idea that male and female personalities are opposites is dumb, condescending, and makes truly respectful relationships impossible.
And it makes it impossible for us to recognize that women are just as capable as men. We are not aliens sharing a planet, we're all a part of the human race. The fact that Hillary has a vagina does not make her any more or less capable that any male politician out there.
We look the other way so much when it comes to sexism that we don't even recognize a classic example of sexism when we see it!
James Wolcott of Vanity Fair illustrates this point beautifully in his op-ed "You can Call a Woman anything", talking not just about Hillary/woman-hate but also about women's inclusion in professional sports.
Wolcott writes briefly about Elaine Joyce, a champion amateur golfer. She and her father were looking forward to a weekend tournament at the public course on Cape Cod where they both had full memberships. But their names were not listed when officials posted tee times. Rather than call Elaine, the club's head pro called her father and told him the tournament was not open to women.
It did not matter that Joyce would play from the men’s tees. Or that she had won more than 20 club championships over the years. Or that she had captured the title in 2001 at an event for the state’s top female club champions.
Elaine Joyce filed a discrimination claim and after 18 (18!) months was allowed to play again. But she was punished.
Some members of the group were appalled and let her know it. One said he would play only if she played naked. Others walked off the course when paired with her. Some refused to speak to her during rounds.
If any club tried to deny a man of color entry-- would it not be news story #1? But a woman is denied entry and shunned and we shrug our shoulders and say its their business, their right?? I mean, why should they have to put up with the woman... the other?
I'm tired of the pissing contest of "what's harder" when it come to race/gender in this election. But I'm also a little miffed as to why this hasn't sparked more discussion.
But then there's the sports anchor (and a woman at that) who commented on "lynching Tiger Woods" and Bill O'Reilly talking about lynching Michelle Obama and plenty of other horrible racist shit....
There really is no point in havin the "what's worse" discussion because it's all horrible and it's all connected and it's all about keeping us down.
I'm just tired of a media society that will ignore Hillary bashing (or participate in it) and at the same time, bat their eyes in a, "What's sexism?" sort of ignorance. Seriously. You KNOW what you're doing... now STOP IT!
Sometimes, I would do better not to click on the links at feministe, they DID warn me that it would raise my blood pressure...
Author Angela Epstein, of the Daily Mail writes an article called, "I'm a FEMALE male chauvinist - and proud of it."
Okay, can I just stop right here and discuss something.... Would there ever be an article with the title, "A Black racist and proud of it?"
SERIOUSLY??? Unless it was on the Onion? I just don't understand acceptance of sexism-- least of all when the acceptance comes from a woman? Anyway...
Epstein writes the most absurd and insulting drivel I've read in awhile. And I've read some drivel recently. The article opens with Epstein lamenting because she's on an airplane and the Captain is speaking over the PA and *gasp* -- The Captain is a woman! HOLY CRAP!! GRAB YOUR SEAT CUSHION-- WE'RE GOING DOWN!
With a female pilot at the helm, my husband immediately made some comment about women drivers before returning to his crossword.
I, on the other hand, felt uncomfortable and found it hard to relax for the rest of the flight. All I could think about was this young woman - well, she sounded young - cradling 200 lives in the palm of her hand.
...
Though I applaud female ambition and advancement, when it comes to real power, I feel so much happier if a man holds the reins.
If men should be the only ones in positions of "real power," just where does that leave us exactly? I'm assuming we're out of courtrooms, hospitals and piloting planes... but what about media? Isn't it really powerful to write and have an impact on the public? Maybe you should hang up your hat and call it a day, Epstein? Just a thought.
PS: Also. Iv'e noticed that you're alive and writing this article (not dead from pilot-error), maybe you should stop and give that a thought as well.
At least she acknowledges that she's sexist. Although she fails to see the seriousness. Her husband's comment on 'women drivers' is written off as "macho good humor." No, no, honey, macho good humor is the guys on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy who can handle some jokes at the expense of their "masculinity" without freaking out. There is nothing "good humored" about putting women down simply because they're women.
So am I being treacherously disloyal to my own sex? Well, before the braburners start hurling the embers of their lingerie at me, you need only to take a long look at the world at large to realise my latent male chauvinism isn't operating in isolation.
Okay, now I just feel sorry for her, how many writers have tackled the bra-burning myth and she's still afraid of blazing lingerie? But she has a point, there's plenty of other sexist dolts who'll back up her opinions of "women shouldn't have real power." Only difference, most of the people saying such things ARE MEN. Because *duh* they have something to gain by perpetuating that myth.
Predictably for any sexist, Epstein goes after Hillary Clinton next:
She may have squeaked home in New Hampshire this week, but she had been humiliated in Iowa.
Wow, not even true. While Obama definitely took the primary in Iowa, Clinton trailed Edwards by only one percentage point. Proving her worth, she beat them a few days later in New Hampshire-- I wouldn't call that humiliating.
Could it be that Mrs Clinton's mannish trouser suits and selfaggrandising, policy-driven speeches smack of the masculine touch - and what heterosexual woman wants fake machismo in power?
You're right, who in their right mind would want fake machismo in power? .....
Fake machismo (above)
Epstein goes on to say that Clinton was "betrayed by her own biology when she was reduced to tears this week on the stump."
Also a huge lie. Clinton's voice briefly cracked. She wasn't "reduced to tears" -- her voice broke when she spoke of her great love for this country. Doesn't sound particularly weak to me.
Like many women, she understandably gave into the hormonal urge to blub when faced with a setback. But with this acknowledgement of our sex's innate weakness, would you really want her manicured hand on the nuclear button?
Oh shut up, seriously. Hormonal urge?? She's 60-- I think hormonal mood swings of PMS are behind her. And which way do you want to play it? Clinton't a bad leader because she wears pansuits (trying to be a man) or Clinton's a bad leader because she takes time to get manicures (trying too hard to be girly?) You can't have it both ways.
Power means convincing those you protect that everything's under control. For this reason, I have always had a male obstetrician oversee my four pregnancies.
Having a penis doesn't automatically equal power and superior OBGYN skills--- actually I think having a VAGINA might make you superior in that area.
My chauvinistic feelings may be sourced in the fact that every girl inherits the princess gene which dictates her desire for a strong male role model to cosset and comfort her.
In the words of one commenter at Feministe:
"No. You have a rescue fetish. Many women can save their own damn selves and appreciate men as friend and companions or just like living human beings rather than the knights in your own fantasy." (AMEN TO THAT!)
The fact is that when we women are tired, weak, compromised, in need of sympathy and vulnerable, nothing beats the strong arm of male capability and its implied protection.
And men never get tired, weak, compromised? Men never need sympathy? Men are never vulnerable? I sincerely pray this woman never has sons. It's just painful that ideas of this type of "manhood" still abound.
This is a classic example of why feminism is good for women AND MEN. A feminist woman understands that men are human, not superhero, not John Wayne put on this earth to "rescue" us damsel women. A real relationship means you have to rescue each other sometimes-- and it has very little to do with estrogen vs. testosterone.
To these highly skilled and talented women, I salute your success. But perhaps I'm even more grateful to those who don't get right to the top.
And I'm even more grateful that society at large sees through garbage like this nowadays.
It's positively painful to think there are still people in the world holding on to these antiquated, sexist ideals.
Chris Matthews, you truly are the master of the immature, schoolyard taunt. Bravo for being more ill behaved than a 6th grader!
I'm not #1 Hillary fan but I'm getting pretty f-ing sick of this nonsense.
My message to Chris Matthews of Hardball:
Let's not forget that YOU got your job because our country seems to need a token, privileged, white man who decides that women win HUGE elections because people feel “sorry for them.” You know, Chris, I feel sorry for you because you’re an idiot but that doesn’t mean I feel so bad that I watch your show! Get a grip!
