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Fine, I'll talk about it -- Duke lacrosse

I am such a weenie. I keep checking other blogs to see who will post on Duke Lacrosse first so I don't have to... maybe everyone else is planning on ignoring it. Probably not a bad call. Writing about this is sort of like bending over and offering the trolls a place to kick.

But you know, watching the press conference last night I just couldn't help rolling my eyes. And yes, I realize I'm horribly biased because yeah, my entire job is about believing victims. And I tend to think that there are few women who would put themselves through the shit storm of a rape accusation, forensic exam, trial, scrutiny etc.

I don't pretend to know for sure ANYTHING about this Duke case. I was not this woman's advocate and I know very little specifics. I know from reading one article that one of the key discrepancies was that the woman could no longer testify to being penetrated by a penis. Not really surprising considering many women experience blackouts or suffer rape trauma that can disorient memories of the attack. Also alcohol is a factor in over half of all reported acquaintance rapes. Alcohol, as we know can royally screw with memory.

I watched the three players and I tried not to judge. If they are innocent, I pity them. However, when one of the players talked about all the injustice the media showed them my response was, Ummm, wha?

I recall most pundits siding with the players. Rush Limbaugh called the woman a “ho” and countless others referred to her as simply “the stripper.” And if you google Duke Lacrosse, more articles come up promoting the player’s innocence. One article even claims the woman just wanted money. If you search You Tube there are plenty of videos dedicated to the innocence of the players and the bad, bad villains who dared to support a woman who claimed she was raped. One You Tuber called the woman a “nappy headed ho” – my how pop-culture aware the trolls are getting.

If you search "duke lacrosse" on networking sites like facebook there are hundreds of "duke is innocent" groups. The few groups that are dedicated to guilt are clearly not built on discussion but on anger and most posts are angry supporters of Duke players who call the woman a "lying whore" who had semen from "at least five other guys in her" -- a common myth floating around.

Yes, it’s true that these men are innocent until proven guilty (even though, based on the stats, I assumed their guilt) and they surely did have some vocal opponents, I think they are mistaking media scrutiny with simple media coverage.

Perhaps these men were judged before their day in court (I know I did) but most of the reaction was understandable. The team was suspended as they should have been for throwing a party with hired strippers and booze. The coach should have been held responsible for the bad judgment and irresponsible behavior of his team. Furthermore the woman was judged and is still being judged. Common misunderstanding seems to be that these charges were dropped because this woman was a liar. These charges were dropped because there was insufficient evidence to proceed. As in no DNA – which can be explained, especially in light of the fact that the woman was not sure if she was penetrated with a penis or something else.

All I know is that something about three privileged white boys whining on about injustice when they had plenty of media support is severely annoying. How about all the women (and for that matter) men who are sexually assaulted everyday and they have no support from the legal system? Or they can’t prove their claims or they are too ashamed to even come forward in the first place? What about the culture where women can no longer except support for charging high-profile athletes with rape (duke lacrosse, Kobe Bryant cases). Rather they’re called “hos” and accused of digging for money or fame.

Certainly false accusations can happen but I don’t believe it’s common (and stats support me). With the lacrosse players officially declared innocent (they spelled it and everything) this whole outcome is going to have some disturbing fallout to an already “victim un-friendly” culture.

Watch and see

Believing her

Few of my posts gather as much hateful comments as those written on the Duke lacrosse rape scandal. I'd like to put some thoughts out there that I've had floating around lately.

In my post college years I have immersed myself into the world of feminism, now working at a women's clinic and a rape and abuse crisis center. I am receiving more training, education and materials than ever before and am more aware than ever that there are simply people out there who will never believe a victim.

I also know (and have always known) that of course... SOME WOMEN LIE. Is this really a shock? Some people burn down their house and collect insurance. People are not always moral, they are not always honest. Some women are vindictive and bad. I am not naive enough to believe that no woman anywhere has lied about rape.

However, as an advocate my first job and possibly most important is to BELIEVE a woman when she discloses to me that she was raped. And there are truly a lot of valid reasons the public may be overlooking when it comes to the duke rape case-- or any case.

#1 The victim has never recanted her story. Just because charges were dropped doesn't mean she admitted to a lie. It just means there isn't enough evidence to go to trial-- a factor in many rape cases.

#2 The victim may have been deliberately chosen because of the low-likelihood of believability. Predators choose victims based on how accessible they are and their threat level. For example- a child molester isn't likely to go after a kid who has really loving, involved parents who will notice something's wrong. A molester will target a child who has no close, caring family and a history of acting out, lying, disorderly behavior or poor social skills.

It’s the same for many rape victims. Women who are disabled, mentally or physically are far more likely to be sexually assaulted due to vulnerability. Also women like prostitutes, strippers etc are easy targets because of their perceived "low morals" and status. Since they are sex-workers they have no say over their bodies... don't believe me. Check out the outcome of this case.

In that case, it was proved that a police officer pulled over a woman and ejaculated on her, however because she was a stripper-- she must have "wanted it." Hmmm, interesting. For the women involved in the Duke case she had to battle this stripper stigma along with over-inflated twits like Limbaugh referring to her as a 'ho'

#3 Lack of DNA doesn't prove a thing. What I learned recently is that in a HUGE majority of sexual assaults there is no ejaculation. Which is one of the reasons that pregnancy resulting from rape is so rare (only 2-5%). This is because rape is a crime of dominance, humiliation and power. It isn't about lust or sex or getting off. It's about humiliating someone body and soul and degrading them.

Also lack of DNA evidence could be explained by a condom, which the victim was not aware her attackers were even wearing.

#4 Drugs and alcohol confuse everything. The woman in the Duke case was harassed because facts in her story wavered. This could be due to drugs or alcohol in the system and also PTSD. A lot of clients I see suffer from post traumatic stress after a rape (let alone a gang rape) and are confused on basic issues of timeline and their stories vary as far as what happened when.

#5 Rape is EXTREMEMLY HARD TO PROVE. The number of rape cases that never go to trial would shock you. Because it's a he said, she said situation between friends, acquaintances etc. Drugs and alcohol are involved and consent issues are "fuzzy" etc.

Now... Does this mean the women at Duke was raped? I don't know. I don't pretend to be convinced because I'm not her advocate.

Knowing what I know, I feel for her because there is likelihood that she was attacked and simply cannot prove it.

But also... knowing that human beings are not always moral (this includes women) my heart could go out to those lacrosse players who were unjustly accused and embarrassed on a national level--- (well save the guy who wrote an email about cutting women's skin off and masturbating-- he deserves the humiliation).

I'm just saying folks, don't assume you know it all when it comes to the Duke case or any case really...

Rape is hard to prove and even without DNA evidence it doesn't prove a thing. Hell, in the case of the stripper and the cop she had his "DNA" all over her. It just didn't matter because she was "asking for it."

And so the vicious cycle continues of doubt, victim blaming and assault. And after this it'll continue further cause some yahoo internet troll will probably send me something just as ugly.

Can't wait.

Duke Lacrosse

I read the news last night. And an "anonymous" (who else?) was all too giddy to point it out this morning as well.

Duke lacrosse players have been cleared of DNA charges. While semen was found on the victim, it did not match any of the lacrosse players. This is surely the beginning of the end of this case. What was already an uphill battle: Word of two minority women (who were of course, "hos" because they made their money stripping) against TEAM FULL of prestigious college athletes. It was already a he-said/she-said situation. Now that the scientific evidence sides with the men, the victim has nothing left.

What's more, the statement is questionable since the woman said she had not had sex with another man. But can you blame her? Everyone was already labeling her a whore.

It looks very likely that this attack did not happen, or if an attack was made, we have not gotten the correct details. However, if "anonymous" was trying to make me feel guilty for supporting this woman in her accusation, he'll never get that out of me.

The job of an advocate is simple. When a woman says she was raped the first thing you do is believe her. Bringing forward a rape accusation is a very difficult thing to do. People are going to put you through a battery of questions and an embarrassing physical exam. It's reliving a humiliation and violation and going through shame and guilt while people try and poke holes in your story. Police officers, they have things to look for when questioning a victim. Does her story line up, make sense, is their evidence etc. It's not like any Jane Doe can bring rape allegation on any guy she wants--- a common misconception that many people hold.

There was physical evidence that a crime occurred in the Duke case. Scratch marks, bruising etc. I do not feel guilty for standing up for a woman who was outnumbered & would not have been able to defend herself. I frankly am still not 100% convinced a crime did not occur. The accuser may have been mistaken; her attackers could have been wearing condoms. While the DNA evidence is a good indicator that a crime did not occur, I know based on stats, false rape accusations are very rare.

Whatever the outcome, no one came out of this any "luckier." Not the woman, not the players, (certainly not the coach who had to resign) nor the community. What it did bring to light was the difficulty in proving rape and the underlining dangerous misogyny in many male "team-think" situations. For proof, find the e-mail sent by Duke lacrosse player, Ryan McFadyen:

I’ve decided to have some strippers over… all are welcome. However there will be no nudity. I plan on killing the bitches as soon as they walk in and proceeding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex.

Maybe this entire situation will cause some men to think twice before hiring women to work as sex objects/entertainment. Maybe they will learn that joking about cutting a woman's skin off is not light-hearted banter.

Hopefully this won't become another stat that "anonymous" folks try and throw in my face when I talk about the prevelance of rape. Because even if this was a 100% false statement by a malicious woman seeking money... it doesn’t change the facts. Rape is a huge problem, not just in America, but around the world. And the vast majority of women's statements are true---- even though some anonymous folks might try and make you believe differently.

Further proof

Why it's hard to prosecute rape

click for video