For Adrienne

After my post where I detailed the large project at work that had me going mad, Adrienne asked 'So what DOES a golf swing say about a business style?'

According to the big-corporate, male-dominated viewpoint that wrote the outline... this:

X. Golf Course Insight

A. Golf cuts more directly to the psyche than other games or situations.
B. It’s astonishing how so simple a game can reveal so much.
C. The gimme putt

1. Some people refuse all gimmes; Translation – It’s hard to do a favor for people like this.
2. Some don’t wait and assume it’s a gimme; Translation – Big ego, They won’t ask you for a favor either; they expect it.
3. Some half try – if it goes in, fine; if it doesn’t, they weren’t really trying and count it as a gimme. Translation – these people are hard to pin down, have a capacity for self deception, and tend to exaggerate.


Well now, don't you feel smarter?

Man alive, just WHAT are we going to do with kids these days!

via fabulous guest blogger Adrienne

I mean, they are just so spoiled. Parents are off working long… long…. Long days… sometimes not even getting home in time to have dinner with their children—what a sacrifice for mom and dad to make! Parents are working SO hard in order to make sure that their kids don't have to go through what they did: teasing over un-cool clothes or not having the world's best and most cutting edge STUFF. A High Def flat screen runs for $800, it could take a kid months mowing lawns to earn that kind of dough. So what are we to do? We have to work.

And now these girls in Maine and ALL OVER THE COUNTRY have the audacity to make an adult decision and start having sex—and then an even BIGGER decision by wanting access to birth control? Well pshaw! Who do these girls think they are—where are they learning this behavior? Got to be the liberal media, right? Those loud mouth feminists—those are the ones who are causing all the trouble, advocating for abortions and putting birth control pills into our daughter's hands when they should be at home, on the couch, watching TV like a normal 11 year old! Not having sex!

After all, I had to pull a double shift to get them that High Def flat screen TV so that they could watch their favorite program: That 70s Show. Watch this clip of Eric and Donna, a true love story for our times. That Jacque is a regular run of the mill hoochie, but DONNA… now THERE is a role model that I'm glad my girls have.



YAY!!! I mean… wait a minute. Is that how that was supposed to go? Donna…. STAYED? She gave up her dream of traveling the world, with our without Eric, and decided to stay… put her life on hold…. Just to stay with Eric?

Well okay. Maybe my 11-year-old shouldn't be watching That 70s show anyway. When I get home I'll have them show me how to program the V-Chip.

Here we go. Here's something that is a little more age appropriate, Beauty and the Beast. What little girl doesn't want to be a princess? That's what it really comes down to, right? Acting like a lady means that boys will respect you and treat you like a queen.

Belle is really the kind of girl that I would want to be friends with. What a good head on her shoulders. Look at that—making such a sacrifice for her Dad, and you just know how it will turn out. The Beast will throw her in a dungeon—well he has to, at first, right?—Then he will ask her on a date. That's nice of him, a really good gesture. And since Belle is such a lady, she will certainly be gracious—well, now wait a minute. Okay, okay… Belle surely you can say no, just for tonight. You're upset and you miss your Dad, that's okay. You can have tonight to pout, I'm sure the Beast will understand…. Right?

Hey, wait a minute. Is Belle trying to escape? And the Beast is going after her… to SAVE her, right? Well every woman needs a strong man to protect her, after all. Well she could have never made it on her own, she's just lucky that the Beast was willing to take her back. Well the details don't matter. What matters is the moral of the story: If you love someone enough, even if they abuse you, imprison you, and intimidate you, if you just stick by their side, eventually they will turn into a prince.

Wait. Is that what I want my daughter to think?

Fine, we'll put in Mulan. There's a good show with a STRONG female character—no sex in this film. See, there you go. Mulan wins the war, gets the blessing of the emperor and goes home to pay respects to her father. See how proud they are? No sex references. I'll just turn this off… oh wait. What was that, Granny? You aren't so hot on her bringing home a sword, you would have rather that she brought home a man?

But…. Can't it just be a movie about Mulan saving the country? Is that not enough? She needs to do all of that on high heels with perfect make up and hair?

Wow. Maybe if I were more in touch with what was actually parenting my child—the TV, the media, and other CHILDREN—I would understand why they are becoming sexually active… why they are getting pregnant… and why they feel they need birth control.

Let's ask the men

1 Jessica Alba
2 Sienna Miller
3 Angelina Jolie
4 Brazilian model Adriana Lima (No. 1 last year)
5 "Access Hollywood" correspondent Maria Menounos
6 Charlize Theron
7 Jessica Biel
8 singer, Amerie
9 Natalie Portman
10 Eva Longoria.


According to an online survey from "askmen.com" these are the top ten women that men would most want a relationship with, would consider marrying or thought best-suited to be the mother of their children.

Okay, I don't blame men. All those women seem very attractive to me. Although I had to look up #8. But what does that have to do with having a relationship or what's more-- raising children with someone?

I mean, I like Joaquin Phoenix and all but the guy is clearly crazy. How and more importantly why would you pick someone from Hollywood to have a relationship with?

I was sad to find out that there is no such site as "askwomen.com" but I think it would be a curious experiment to repeat this same survey but do it asking women. I'd cast my vote for a Dennis Quaid or Tom Hanks type. They seem more marriage material than say, Justin Timberlake. They're older and they seem more stable and yet, still cute.

On that same note, do any of the guys I know have any input on who their #1 celebrity woman would be?

I can already guess for the sexy boyfriend... Scarlet Johanson anyone?

Sex for One... the M word

Recently a conversation I had stimulated (no pun intended) a desire for me to do some research into the ever taboo subject of masturbation...

Now, there are plenty of sources that should convince you that masturbation is healthy. It's not something that should be shared (unless with an intimate partner) but it's not a sin and nothing to be ashamed of!

If you look online you find many sources that support this. Obviously many health care sites and surprisingly, many parents’ websites address these issues since infants and toddlers discover masturbation. One parental website discussed this issue (http://parenting.ivillage.com/) and said,

"Masturbation does not cause physical injury or harm to the body, promiscuity, or sexual deviance. Your child is normal. Masturbation is not abnormal or excessive unless it is deliberately done in public places after the age of five or six. Masturbation can cause emotional harm (e.g. guilt or sexual hang-ups) only if adults overreact to it and make it seem dirty or wicked."

But while I was researching I found the most shocking source ever--- Christianity. Or more specifically, James Dobson, the man behind the conservative Christian non-profit "Focus on the Family." His views are very, very Christian oriented and generally conservative in every way, but his stance on this subject was fascinating. I can’t cover it all here, but for the full discussion visit http://www.layhands.com/IsMasturbationASin.htm

Dobson carefully examines the Bible to develop a view on masturbation. He says,

"Some of the arguments against Christians masturbating are that it might involve pornography, it might involve sinful fantasizing, it might decrease the desire for one's spouse, it might become addicting, and so on. However, these arguments do not prove that masturbation is a sin. After all, masturbation can be done without any of those things happening. For example, driving a car might involve exceeding the speed limit or running a red light (both of which are wrong), but this doesn't mean that driving a car is wrong in itself. In a similar way, masturbation can involve certain things which are wrong, but this doesn't mean that masturbation itself is wrong. Masturbation can be done without any of the above things happening, so those arguments do not prove that masturbation itself is a sin."

What I gathered from Dobson was that he didn’t condemn masturbation but talked about "reasonable faith." When Dobson was a pre-teen boy, his father, a conservative minister talked to him about masturbation...

“Jim, when I was a boy, I worried so much about masturbation. It really became a scary thing for me because I thought God was condemning me for what I couldn’t help. So I’m telling you now that I hope you don’t feel the need to engage in this act when you reach the teen years, but if you do, you shouldn’t be too concerned about it. I don’t believe it has much to do with your relationship with God.”

For more visit http://www.focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000553.html

Way too often people treat the subject of sex and masturbation like they would a dirty joke. These acts are not disgusting and shouldn’t be treated as such. People are way too uncomfortable about sex because we let people make it bad. We need to reclaim the joy and innate goodness of our bodies!

It's funny the amount of controversy masturbation can create… In1994 Dr. Jocelyn Elders (the first woman appointed to the position of U.S. Surgeon General) lost her job because she dared to say that masturbation was a healthy act.

MORE FUN HISTORY OF THE "BAD TOUCH" (facts found at http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation.htm)

-Around the turn-of-the-century, some adults were so against masturbation that they forced their daughters to wear gloves made of a steel-wool-like material at night and put a powder on their genitals that made them painful to touch.
-They made their sons wear metal chastity belts at night that made it painful to have an erection.
- It was said that if you masturbate you will go blind, bald, develop acne or grow hair on your hands
- Some people attributed insanity to masturbation

The point to this lengthy post is…

What you do with your body is your own business!!! You are not perverse or morally wrong if you enjoy yourself and explore your sexuality to see what makes you happy and comfortable. And you are not abnormal if you would rather abstain from it. Just PLEASE remember, this subject is not taboo or dirty, it is simply something better left private... Not for dinner conversation.

A Woody Allen quote to leave you with,
"Don't knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love."

Taunting the opposing team

Yesterday was another blowout game for UND football. Poor Augustana. Final score was something like 52 to 3. When this happens, most of the Alerus center empties and the student section thins down to the die-hards. Unfortunately, with a lead of almost 50 points, our team doesn't need a lot of pep-you-up cheers. So instead our student section turns to the players sitting right in front of us-- the opposing team.

I'm not Ms. Sports or anything, I mean to me seeing a football game doesn't make or break my Saturday afternoon. However, my blood was really starting to boil at this past game. How many times can you chant "Hey, # 78, YOU SUCK!" I mean, hello, he sees the scoreboard, he is aware that today is not the highlight of his career. I don't mind a few harmless cheers where we taunt the guys about bad passes or what not. That’s the game, but one cheer in particular was getting to me…

Must be yell "pussy" constantly? Is that necessary? Do I grab a bullhorn and start yelling "PENIS!"? Why is pussy the ultimate sports put-down? For example:

"Hey #78, quit being such a pussy!" ... "The Vikings are pussies!" ... "Your coach is a pussy!" etc etc etc. As if, "you suck" wasn't un-original enough.

I would like to remind all the testosterone brain-damaged fans out there that the 'pussy" is not an insult, it is a magnificent organ that gives pleasure and bears children. So if you could refrain from screaming it in football arena, that'd be great. If you really want to insult the guys why don't you refer to them as something powerless like, I dunno.. "impotent" or say, "limp dick." I can hear it now,

"#78 you have a flacid penis!"

See, doesn't that make more sense if you're insulting someone's masculinity?

Britney Spears = mom

Stop everything. Britney Spears has become a mother of a baby boy. Does anyone else feel that this might degrade the word "mother"? I know, I know, I shouldn't rip on her. It's too easy :) but I look at that woman and think- she is an "idol" to young girls everywhere? That's just no good. At all.

But getting back to the motherhood thing, one thing that shocked me was that Mrs. Spears/Federline/whatever had a cesarean section.

She had a c-section?! Not only that, Britney has been quoted as saying she hoped for a c-section because she "couldn't bear the thought of natural childbirth." I get the wanting to avoid natural childbirth-- pain = bad in my book. But I do not understand why a woman who makes her living out of tummy-baring shirts would choose C-section.

Doesn't she realize the muscles they cut will make her 1,000 sit ups a day a little more difficult? Or the new scar she'll have for her barely there outfits?

Maybe this is a sign that Britney is thinking of a more modest future now that she's a mama. Or maybe she's just completely nuts. Either way, the woman who gave us orgasms as sound effects and lyrics like "I'm a slave for you" is now raising a child. Stay tuned. This should be interesting.