Friday, December 14, 2007

Because I love the Office

and because my life has become crazy and I'm too exhausted to post anything worthwhile it seems.... here's a You Tube Clip I found of Office actor, BJ Novak doing stand-up on the well-known "72 virgins" story.



You know what I love about this? EVERY comedian did a bit on this. And almost every single one of them went at the joke from the angle of: "yeah, they were so ugly/disgusting/annoying/fat they couldn't get laid on earth--- haha, screw you terrorists!"

But then there's BJ Novak. Who makes a funny joke (I think) but manages to look at it from the angle of what this means for the women in this fundamentalist, scary world. Brave move. Smart move. And still funny. You see, you don't have to stoop to misogyny for laughs!

....

*sigh* I miss the Office.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Domestic Violence in Spain

Watch this CNN news clip about a talk show in Spain, who under the guise of talking about domestic violence with a survivor, allowed her estranged boyfriend to come on and (surprise!) propose marriage *never mind she had a restraining order* -- in front of 2 million people the woman said NO. A week or so later she was stabbed to death.

The clip goes on to discuss the epidemic problem of DV in Spain. It's heartbreaking.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Just too tired

To deal with how sick and wrong this is

Under fire for its treatment of a rape victim, the Saudi Arabian government on Saturday said that the woman had an "illegitimate relationship" with a man who was not her husband, and that both "exposed themselves to this heinous crime."


Um--- ewwww. Also interesting how our western media keeps ignoring the fact that a man was raped that day too.

The government statement said that according to the woman's signed confession, she called a man on her cell phone and "asked to be with him alone, illegally." The two met at a marketplace, then rode in the man's car to "a dark area of the beach, and stayed there for some time," the ministry said.

The group of attackers "saw her in a compromising situation, her clothes on the ground," the statement said. "The men at this point assaulted her and the man with her."

The woman knew that being alone with a man who wasn't her husband was illegal, "and therefore she violated the covenant of marriage." However, the woman was engaged -- not married -- at the time.


Victim blaming-- it's for every culture apparently.

I have to get to bed so no more writing-- but I think I can simply leave it at "too f***ed up for words"

Friday, November 09, 2007

Bill O'Reilly: Still stupid



How this woman keeps composure is beyond me.

I'm so glad she was on to constantly call Bill on his heaping pile of BS.

O'Reilly takes offense that a lesbian couple was voted a "cutest couple" in a high school yearbook. He doesn't think sexuality should have any place in the school, but he does say he wouldn't be upset if the couple were heterosexual.

Basically good ol' Bill associates homosexuals with their bedroom activity. This defines them. Whereas heterosexual people are complete people who have full lives and personalities, homos are people who do nasty things in the bedroom. They are not the norm.

Oh and it couldn't possibly be that the students like these girls--- the vote must be to "rile" up mom and dad. Yeah, just like that loud rock n' roll the kids like so much.

Anti Gym seems kinda Anti-Woman


These sexy eyes can be yours too... if you admit you're a big fattie

Some days I read stuff and think to myself, 'No way... no way in hell is this real ... it just can't be.' But sadly this horrifying piece of news is real.

Feministing and Feministe have both reported on the Denver, Anti-gym. It's run by Michael Karolchyk who thinks that shaming fat people is something revolutionary and new. His trademark slogan is "No Chubbies." A message he proudly wears on his shirt.

On their website, a chubby is defined as:


Not necessarily someone with a spare tire or thunder thighs, it’s an unmotivated, lazy slob who wants to blame everybody else but themselves for their shortcomings.

This is the classic definition of chubby people. And I'm sure it can be true. Lord knows I make excuses when I want to avoid working out. BUT -- Can anyone out there tell me they never met a thin person who was lazy, unmotivated, slobby and blamed everyone else for their problems? Cause, I don't think this is just "a fat person thing."

The gym keeps on with the stereotypes by talking about the "bearded lady" (a close relative of a chubby) Funny though, the characteristics of the bearded lady sound remarkably like stereotypes about feminists. Which shouldn't be surprising given how unfriendly this gym seems to be towards women who don't conform to patriarchal standards of beauty and sexuality.

Top 10 Characteristics of Bearded Ladies:
1. Fat, really fat, but refuse to change their behavior because of a “thyroid problem”.
2. Usually emit a foul and unpleasant odor because they don’t wear antiperspirant.
3.Don’t wear make-up, because lipstick gets in their mustache and eye-shadow clashes with their red face.
4.Hate men. Actually hate women too, but won’t admit it.
5. Feel like they are victims of everything. Conveniently ignore their own laziness.
6. Watch Oprah while eating cupcakes alone in the dark.
7. Have not had sex with the lights on in their entire life.
8. Pretend in chat rooms to be 20-year-old cheerleaders with huge breasts.
9. Think all Anti-Gym ads are offensive. Are also offended by PG13-rated movies because they have the emotional maturity of a 12-year old.
10. Have enough time on their chubby hands to send hysterical emails or phone calls to Anti-Gym sponsors.

See! Classic feminist bashing: You're stinky! You hate men! You have a mustache! You're hysterical and constantly attacking people! You're unnatractive!

*YAWN*

Another advertising catch prhase for the gym is "Have sex with the lights on." This seems to be the most accurate description of the gym's goals. It's very little to do with healthier living and more about becoming sexually attractive (emphasis on WOMEN being sexually attractive that is). For example, their commercial called "hottie" where a fat women is watching TV and jumps up to greet her man but is beat to the punch by this porned-out woman.



The husband happily makes out with the skinnier lady, grabs her ass and leaves the fat woman alone to cry. But luckily Michael Karolchyk busts out of the fridge (I can't make this shit up) to MOO at the woman, push her chocolate cake into her chest and say "you'll never get a hubby if you're chubby... Pathetic."

Charming-- totally like junior high.

If you can handle it-- here's another one where Mr. No-Chubbies physically assaults a fat woman with her own pie.



Correct me if I'm wrong, but weight loss should be about a healthier, less-impeded lifestyle. Self-confidence and better sex life are great perks too but a person's entire worth as a human being/sexual person should not be determined by a number on a scale.

This anti-gym message seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with health. It's just condemning fat women. Scaring them and shaming them with their message of fat = unhappy and alone whereas looking like a porn star = happiness and access to men. Well, access to the type of man who wants you for your body and will show affection by grabbing your ass.

Striving for weight loss and better health is just fine. It's great in fact. But this message is disgusting. Assaulting a "chubby" with her own cake? Pushing her down? Calling her pathetic? And making all thin "beautiful" women nothing more than objects of overt-sexuality and lust? WTF?

I'm no skinny-minnie, but yet I have a wonderful boyfriend, great friends, a great life. I don't watch Oprah alone in the dark and cry. So I guess being plus size isnt' the worst thing. I know that less weight can mean less health risk, but I certainly don't need humiliating messages hurled in my direction or in the direction of other "fat" women (who I happen to know and love and think are beautiful). So Anti-Gym can kiss my fat ass. And for the record, I don't have any "lights on/off" phobias so we can put that bullshit rumor to rest.

The anti-gym website has photos at the top of all their pages and interestingly enough-- they look like this:






When you look at these photos, do you think of exercise???

I'll say it again.... Any gym that promotes fitness by bullying *including throwing cupcakes and twinkies at people working out * is not a healthy atmosphere. Losing weight should be about what makes you happy and healthy, not about looking like these photos. Turning women into sexual objects seems to be the only "real" goal anti-gym offers. According to the website,


Anti-Gym is the only organization in history that does not discourage alcohol and marijuana use as part of a healthy lifestyle

Right cause alcohol and marijuana, not so bad for you. But a chubby woman? MOOOOO!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Weirdest "apology" ever

I never watched Dog the Bounty Hunter. My mom was a fan and I wanted to like him in theory... until I found out he was a psycho racist.



You know what really creeped me out about this video was the total lack of understanding. I really almost pity Dog. He called her a "n***er" and a "whore" and told his son not to see her. Rather than apologize for using those stupid, racist words, he tears up and says:



I've never met her, she's a cute little girl, I didn't know that, I never knew what she looked like..... I'm so sorry, honey. I'm not like that-- you know that.

Okay? Way to miss the point.

What did he expect her to look like? Some cracked out street whore? I guess so, cause she's black. But now he sees that she's beautiful, well-dressed & well-spoken... NOW she's deserving of apology?

Gee wiz, little girl, if I'd a known your was purdy, I'd never call you a nigger!

And she's a CUTE LITTLE GIRL? A CUTE LITTLE GIRL?

And then he calls her honey?

Oh dog, honey you need to visit dictionary.com and look up SELF AWARENESS.

You call someone a nigger and make up for it by telling them they're pretty? It's like he truly doesn't get it.

Then to top it all off, he says "you know I'm not like that." UM DUDE? Clearly you are.

GROSS!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Lovin Tyra



I've been a Tyra fan for some time. She and I don't always see eye-to-eye, but I respect her hard work and her advocating for models of all shapes, sizes and colors. She's pretty much been my hero since her "Kiss my fat ass" show.

However, this is pretty fricking sweet. Having a whole show dedicated to the Vagina!

Word.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Man alive, just WHAT are we going to do with kids these days!

via fabulous guest blogger Adrienne

I mean, they are just so spoiled. Parents are off working long… long…. Long days… sometimes not even getting home in time to have dinner with their children—what a sacrifice for mom and dad to make! Parents are working SO hard in order to make sure that their kids don't have to go through what they did: teasing over un-cool clothes or not having the world's best and most cutting edge STUFF. A High Def flat screen runs for $800, it could take a kid months mowing lawns to earn that kind of dough. So what are we to do? We have to work.

And now these girls in Maine and ALL OVER THE COUNTRY have the audacity to make an adult decision and start having sex—and then an even BIGGER decision by wanting access to birth control? Well pshaw! Who do these girls think they are—where are they learning this behavior? Got to be the liberal media, right? Those loud mouth feminists—those are the ones who are causing all the trouble, advocating for abortions and putting birth control pills into our daughter's hands when they should be at home, on the couch, watching TV like a normal 11 year old! Not having sex!

After all, I had to pull a double shift to get them that High Def flat screen TV so that they could watch their favorite program: That 70s Show. Watch this clip of Eric and Donna, a true love story for our times. That Jacque is a regular run of the mill hoochie, but DONNA… now THERE is a role model that I'm glad my girls have.



YAY!!! I mean… wait a minute. Is that how that was supposed to go? Donna…. STAYED? She gave up her dream of traveling the world, with our without Eric, and decided to stay… put her life on hold…. Just to stay with Eric?

Well okay. Maybe my 11-year-old shouldn't be watching That 70s show anyway. When I get home I'll have them show me how to program the V-Chip.

Here we go. Here's something that is a little more age appropriate, Beauty and the Beast. What little girl doesn't want to be a princess? That's what it really comes down to, right? Acting like a lady means that boys will respect you and treat you like a queen.

Belle is really the kind of girl that I would want to be friends with. What a good head on her shoulders. Look at that—making such a sacrifice for her Dad, and you just know how it will turn out. The Beast will throw her in a dungeon—well he has to, at first, right?—Then he will ask her on a date. That's nice of him, a really good gesture. And since Belle is such a lady, she will certainly be gracious—well, now wait a minute. Okay, okay… Belle surely you can say no, just for tonight. You're upset and you miss your Dad, that's okay. You can have tonight to pout, I'm sure the Beast will understand…. Right?

Hey, wait a minute. Is Belle trying to escape? And the Beast is going after her… to SAVE her, right? Well every woman needs a strong man to protect her, after all. Well she could have never made it on her own, she's just lucky that the Beast was willing to take her back. Well the details don't matter. What matters is the moral of the story: If you love someone enough, even if they abuse you, imprison you, and intimidate you, if you just stick by their side, eventually they will turn into a prince.

Wait. Is that what I want my daughter to think?

Fine, we'll put in Mulan. There's a good show with a STRONG female character—no sex in this film. See, there you go. Mulan wins the war, gets the blessing of the emperor and goes home to pay respects to her father. See how proud they are? No sex references. I'll just turn this off… oh wait. What was that, Granny? You aren't so hot on her bringing home a sword, you would have rather that she brought home a man?

But…. Can't it just be a movie about Mulan saving the country? Is that not enough? She needs to do all of that on high heels with perfect make up and hair?

Wow. Maybe if I were more in touch with what was actually parenting my child—the TV, the media, and other CHILDREN—I would understand why they are becoming sexually active… why they are getting pregnant… and why they feel they need birth control.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Lucky there's a Family Guy?

I have blogged before about my guilt regarding the hit animated show, Family Guy.

As I stated, this show blasts everyone! As evidenced in this clip from the Emmy's where they pick on lots of people and (I think) it's pretty damn funny. Especially the hit to the Sopranos.


I'm not so uptight that I can't handle some rude humor. Hell, I love South Park and that stuff can get GROSS. I mean, at one point Cartman kills a kid's parents and feeds them to him in chilli. So yeah.... but I haven't heard of one kid in real life doing anything like that.

What I have heard of is women being raped and abused DAILY- and Family Guy jokes about that constantly. In fact it seems they have at least ONE anti-woman joke per episode. Whether it's something light like making fun of the WNBA or serious like Stewie shooting a hooker.


That particular video is flagged for "adult eyes only" -- for those of you without a youtube account, I shall summarize:

- Stewie uses a rifle with a scope to aim at a prostitute
- He calls this his "daily community service"
- After the hooker is shot dead, Quagmire says his usual, "All right"
- Then he begins to drag her lifeless body back inside for more sex.

Charming right?

Well the other day I was watching an episode and I saw this:



I shall summarize again because (as my last Family Guy post shows... you tube eventually has to pull all these illegal clips anyway-- booo).
- At the bottom of the screen you see Marge Simpson
- Quagmire attacks her, forces himself between her legs and appears to hump her.
- She pushes him away, fighting him off, eventually she runs
- He follows her with his pants around his ankles
- They both return a minute later and he says, "see that wasn't so bad"
- She responds with something like "yeah it was great"
- They go back to the "Simpson house" where they have more sex
- Quagmire is discovered by Homer
- Quagmire shoots and kills every member of the Simpson family.

Yes---- really.

Apparently Simpsons fans and the show's creator, Matt Groening are vocal in their dislike of Family Guy. Still, was this the proper response?

Why make a rape/murder joke? Much less make the joke where the raped woman decides that -- wow, she enjoyed the rape and is ready for more! But it gets even funnier when the entire family is subsequently murdered (including the baby!).

Ummmm, why? Why is that funny?

I am on a Family Guy break for awhile. If that's the best shit they can come up with then I'd rather watch something else-- something truly funny-- like the Office... where they can make sexist jokes but pull it off in a FUNNY WAY!!! Imagine that!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Glenn Beck & Bill Donahue tie for IDIOT of the year award



My last post was all about the middle school in Maine dispensing birth control for girls. So I'm not going into all the details or why I think it's a good idea. You can just read it.

When it comes to controversial topics involving sex, some things are just 100% predictable. I'm talking romantic-comedies-starring-Drew-Barrymore predictable. First predictable thing: CNN's Glenn Beck will be a total moron and #2 President of the Catholic League will be invited on moron's moronic show to be an even bigger moron. ... one more time for good measure... MORON!

It's no surprise that people are talking about girls getting birth control and it's definitely no surprise that Bill Donahue would get in on the action-- he revels the opportunity to bash feminism, contraception and talk about "saving women from themselves." Here's some of the gems from the conversation between Beck and Donahue:


Beck: Now, right now it is illegal in Maine for kids under the age of 14 to have sex at all, whether it is consensual or not. Yet you have a local school commission that is not only underhandedly encouraging sex; they`re actually enabling it. "Hey, kids, go break the law."

I understand that there`s disease out there. But we`re talking now about taking the pill. Now we`re saying, "Hey, you go ahead" -- I mean, how easy are we going to make it?

Sex Ed 101, Glen-- The pill isn't about preventing disease, it's about preventing pregnancy! Giving a woman (or girls) a prescription for birth control is not the same as saying "go have sex." It's saying, "if you have sex, and don't want to become pregnant, you need this."

Since 2000, this middle school gave out condoms and Glenn Beck wasn't wetting the bed. Now that we give young girls the option to protect themselves against pregnancy (itself terribly dangerous for an 11-13 year old) NOW-- it's a problem.

Such a problem that we're practically building a copulation room and tearing down the library. Seriously, Beck was on Good Morning America when he said,

Why don`t we -- the library`s outdated. Why don`t we have a copulation room?

What type of rounded logic is that? By giving a sexually active girl options to prevent pregnancy we're forcing sex on her?

The program only gets better because then, Bill Donahue (AKA EVIL INCARNATE) is invited to speak.

DONAHUE: Well, you know, this is the goal of the sexual engineers. It has been for a very long time. This libertine notion of sexuality.

....I would say this. You know, the original feminists -- I`m talking about the ones in the 19th century -- they understood that one of the goals of their movement was to protect innocent women from being preyed upon by irresponsible men."

Really? Feminism was started to protect innocent women from irresponsible men. I thought feminism was about giving women equal opportunity so she wouldn't have to be dependent on men-- irresponsible or not. Feminism meant that women could vote, be assured safety within her marriage, hold property, secure a job to feed herself and have some control if she wanted a divorce but didn't want to lose her kids.

But no, I guess Susan B Anthony just wanted to save women from "irresponsible" men. What kind of bullshit, non-committal word is "irresponsible" anyway, Bill? What irresponsible things were these men doing-- beating their wives? Taking all their money? Raping women? WHAT?

The insanity continues:

Donahue: There`s no question that -- that young men have always been throughout all of history in all societies the most irresponsible segment of society. You know what the message is being sent to young men, and I`m talking about ones who are also over the age of 18.

The message that will be sent to young men is this: they`re fair game. The girl is just off her tricycle. She`s 11 years of age. You can`t even dispense an aspirin to the kid in the school, but you can get them the birth control kit. The boy picks up the message she`s fair game; let`s go get them.

If you want them to exploit girls, this is the way to go.

This is the classic argument against contraception (and frankly it's insulting to women and men). Most often you hear this nonsensical tirade from the Catholic Church. You can't give women the option to prevent pregnancy because if she has that, men will take advantage of her sexually and use her as an object (cause that never happens to women who aren't on the pill).

This asinine argument makes women out to be helpless pawns. Rather than admit that preventing/planning pregnancy gives women power, these pricks twist the argument so that THEY are the only ones looking out for women... poor little woman, she doesn't realize the harm she'll cause to herself.

In Donahue's world, these 11 year old girls would be safe and chaste without the pill, but with it, they'll be preyed upon by boys who just want to use them. Anyone else think that's unreasonable?

Donahue further explains that contraception is really the root of all evil for women and that girls who dare use this method are setting themselves up for a life of terrible sadness.

When these girls become emotionally distraught and when they grow up and they realize that they gave in to young guys and some of the guys not so young, because their own mother had the nerve to go ahead and offer that girl the pill, and the guys in the neighborhood all knew about it and therefore took advantage of her, that`s the real price and the damage that will be done.

I like how this is all the mother's fault-- where is the dad? It's pretty obvious that Donahue blames feminism and contraception for "destroying the lives of your children."

Also-- once you're on the pill, "all the guys on the block will take advantage of you" -- it sure sounds like Donahue is calling contraception the SLUT pill.

If you still have any questions as to Donahue's sanity, guess what he thinks the evil libertines want to do with newborn boys?
You know, these people say that they`re on the side of women? The biggest enemy of women in America today, and particularly young girls, are coming from the sexually libertine sexual engineers who will stop at nothing. And if they had it their way, they would order the doctor to sew a condom onto the infant male on his penis as soon as he`s born. They`re simply out of control.

How is it possible that Glenn Beck and Bill Donahue equate pregnancy prevention with copulation rooms at school, sewing condoms onto infants and getting freaky on a tricycle? It's because the idea that women could avoid consequences of sex (PREGNANCY) scares the shit out of them.

As I stated in my last post, it is awful to think that young girls would have sex. But if we can all agree that we don't want a pregnant 11-year old girl, and we can't FORCE kids to remain chaste (or force their parents to ... parent), then we should help them prevent pregnancy. Yes, the pill won't prevent disease but condoms do and the school has those on hand as well. Imagine that-- equal opportunity protection!

Beck and Donahue give us a world where women and girls are helpless victims incapable of making good choices about sex. Their solution is to give them less options. Raise your hand if you detect circular logic and misogyny!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

How young is too young?


Oh dear! I saw the birth control pills, now I want the sex!

Sometimes you just see the HEADLINE of a story and you know it's gonna be trouble... For example, today I saw this on CNN and MSN's homepage:

“Maine middle school to offer birth control.”

Now, we all know the anti-choice movement is adamant in its opposition to birth control. I’ve discussed that dirty secret on another blog. While the overwhelming majority of Americans support contraceptive access for adult women, the lines get fuzzier when it comes to children. Hence the debate about sex education and access for minors.

A middle school health center prescribing birth control is surely going to spark debate.

At King Middle School in Portland, Maine young girls age 11-13 can now access birth control without consent from parents. This thought makes a lot of people uncomfortable. From the comment field on the MSN story:

No---this is a moral issue. They should keep their pants ON!!!!

NO NO NO. How can parents think/feel that THEY should not be responsible for their children's lives and leave it up to a school board????

Absolutely not. People seem to love undermining parents when it comes to their own children these days. If they are going to offer it, parental consent MUST be necessary for each individual thing administered to the student

Hell no! Since when do we allow our CHILDREN to make those kinds of decisions! I am completely disgusted

I don't see how this is even legal and do most 11 year olds even have a period?


It goes on and on… it does make me squirmy to think of girls having sex. Actually it makes me downright depressed. Of course sex isn’t healthy for children. But it makes me far less squirmy to know that IF these kids are having sex, they are taking some adult responsibility to protect themselves.

Clearly 11 year old girls DO get their period. As evidenced by the stats from the schools in Portland, Maine.

Portland's three middle schools reported 17 pregnancies during the last four years, not counting miscarriages or terminated pregnancies that weren't reported to the school nurse.

Also according to the article, “Five of the 134 students who visited King's health center during the 2006-07 school year reported having sexual intercourse” – not counting all the students who didn’t disclose or didn’t report other forms of sexual activitiy.

Some parents don’t like the idea that birth control will be prescribed without parental consent. Others feel that this will encourage sexual activity; some are even claiming that this “goes against God.”

I find no merit in hypothesizing on what angers God. However, I hope that parents do their research and realize that the availability of contraceptives should not encourage sex, but simply protect the sexually active. Also, if you already have a good relationship with your child, chances are they’ll discuss options with you anyway.

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

Teenagers who have strong emotional attachments to their parents are much less likely to become sexually active at an early age. Also parents rate high among many teens as trustworthy and preferred information sources on birth control. One in two teens say they "trust" their parents most for reliable and complete information about birth control, only 12 percent say a friend.

Therefore if you’re committed to having honest dialogue with your kids, then you’ll likely have a positive affect. From the same site, we understand the consequences of unprotected sex is devesatating for teens:

A sexually active teen who does not use contraception has a 90 percent chance of pregnancy within one year. Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school and are likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare). The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves.

We know that some minors will have sex. If we ignore this fact, we are denying basic healthcare to protect young men and women. The availability of birth control doesn’t mean kids will start having sex. That is much more dependent on the relationships children have with their parents or other moral force (faith community, mentor etc).

When it comes to kids, where do we draw the line at access? Condoms? The patch? The pill? Or should we just teach them to “JUST SAY NO”?

Since 2000, King Middle School students have had access to condoms. With this new policy, birth control prescriptions will be given only after a student undergoes a physical exam by a physician or nurse practitioner. Furthermore students must have written parental permission to be treated at the health center. Howevever, once permission is attained, the student's medical records are confidential so parents would now know if their daughters were prescribed birth control.

According to the article:

About one-fourth of student health centers that serve at least one grade of adolescents 11 and older dispense some form of contraception, said Mohan, whose Washington-based organization represents more than 1,700 school-based centers nationwide.

In other parts of the country, things are very different. In Topeka, Kansas, school district policy forbids providing any contraceptives to students.

What would you like YOUR school to offer? Or what should YOUR kid's have for options?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Why doesn't she leave?

Next time you hear someone say this about domestic violence victims-- tell them to read THIS STORY. Cause this is what happens when women try and leave-- their abusers make good on death threats. Statistically this is when women are in the most danger-- when they try and take back control.



Kinyanjui was stabbed in the basement apartment with her youngest child nearby. Her sister and mother tried to stop the attack.

"I tried to hold the knife and I was cut here. Then he got that knife and then ... do that," Ruth Kinyanjui said, making a gesture of a knife being drawn across the throat.

"She was the most loving person. She was helping all of us. Myself, my mother, the children. She loved her two children very much. She obviously loved the father of the children and that's why she was always covering for him," Margaret Kinyanjui said.

Family said the pair had a long history of domestic violence dating back until at least 2000. They said Esther would often bail him out after he hurt her, but she moved to Delaware five months ago in an attempt to get away from Waweru. She apparently was lured back, this time to her death.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Bullshit excuses hit a new level

Dentist claims that female patients needed their breasts groped to treat TMJ (temporo-mandibular joint disorder).

Of course this "doctor" is calling it pectoral muscle massage .

Funny story. I myself have suffered from TMJ and saw several dentists about the problem. Not one of them suggested groping my breasts. We talked about using an overnight mouth guard, or getting a retainer. Eventually I opted for an inpatient procedure that grinded and "reshaped" my teeth and bite alignment. Haven't had many problems since -- Isn't it funny how you can get adequate medical care without feeling demeaned and violated?

I'm not saying that medical professionals don't find new ways to treat problems but COME ON!!!!!!!!! I'm thinking that this dentist could have done these "massages" with some supervision or perhaps just done the rubbing ABOVE CLOTHING....

Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Phillips gave Lew three new complaints, including one from a 31-year-old woman who said Anderson fondled her at least six times over two years. She took to wearing tight shirts with high necklines, "and Anderson would still get in under her shirt and bra," according to a police report.

Yeah, well you know how thick and cumbersome bras can be when you're trying to really work those pectoral muscles.

Complete and utter load of bunk. And not to be a total bitch, but this tidbit is a HUGE tip off.
Zaro [lawyer] said Anderson [dentist] needs to keep seeing patients so he can feed his seven children and pay for his defense.

It is my personal experience that only really, REALLY weird people have 7 kids anymore. If I ever meet a family with 7+ kids who seems normal, I'll take it back but 100 bucks says that this guy is some weird anti-birth control dude. It would be so typical--- sexually repressed, religious types who are secret freaks/criminals when it comes to sexually appropriate behavior.

Note to dentist charged with "two misdemeanor counts of battery and sexual battery": I hope you recognize irony when it bites you in the ass. My impersonation of this ass-backwards argument:

"Yes please don't take my job where I sexually abused my clients under the guise of treating their health problems-- I need it to pay the legal bill to prove that didn't happen-- REALLY it was just a pectoral massage!!!"

Yeah and you're just a pervert-asshole-creep masquerading as a professional.

UGH -- I have to go floss now.


**Update/Correction-- so as I was flossing, this funny thought occurred to me, MY grandmother had 11 kids, AND my boyfriend's grandmother had 13. And they weren't weird. Well, take that back, my grandma was kinda a nutter. However, I came to the conclusion that it was a different time and birth control was not legal.

However, some people may honestly feel medical birth control/barrier methods aren't right for them (or they legitimately want 7+ kids-- I guess that doesn't necessarily make you weird).

However the minute anyone starts lecturing me on the rhythm method, or how birth control is abortion and/or women should fulfill their Godly duty and have lots of children --- THEN they officially become weird.

The end. :)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

I miss TLC -- w/ recent update



Sorry I haven't been posting here as much... I've been blogging over at Planned Parenthood along with some other talented writers.

Check it out

~ Tobes


PS: I really miss TLC *sigh*






Update-- from my comment field-- the question was raised -- WHY would you like TLC when their female singers had run-ins with the law, accusations of hitting boyfriends, drug arrest, and arson charges-- well here is my response.

The R&B/Rap music scene is mostly dominated by men and can often times be very misogynistic. TLC was one of the groups that successfully challenged this norm and did it while singing/rapping songs about issues that really affected women.

They sing about the beauty culture obsession in “Unpretty.” And then in "No scrubs" they talk about women desiring better men/partners rather than guys who “holler at” or simply disrespect them. And the song “Girl Talk” is just a great anthem as far as saying–- women are sexual, they want to be satisfied sexually and if you can’t handle that or aren’t gonna “put in work” then step off.

I loved so many of their messages and all personal scandals aside (I never heard about any domestic violence charges-- only the drug charge and the arson fiasco), these girls had some great hits. They were tough and they made music that spoke to women—

Like I said, in the entertainment biz, it’s HUGE and RARE to get attention for speaking about female experiences or at least letting a female give her opinion on human experience. If you don’t believe me-- CLICK HERE.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Thank God for SNL

Monday, September 24, 2007

Iran: the homo-free zone?

You know how scary conservatives are always yammering about "If you don't like America go to Iraq"?

Well I have a suggestion for them. You should head over to Iran. You won't have to worry about homos anymore-- cause IRAN DOESN'T HAVE 'EM.



(I love the audience reaction).

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Hooray!

This perked me up on a gloomy Wednesday.



Stolen from Feministe.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

THIS is domestic violence

This is for all you trolls out there who try and blame it on the woman.

Be aware-- this video is explicit and disturbing.



Stolen from pandagon

WTF?

John Kerry, I expected more of you!

Why did no one do anything? I may not agree with what he was saying, but this man had every right to ask his question!


THIS IS SICK.



UPDATE:

In 37 years of public appearances, through wars, protests and highly emotional events, I have never had a dialogue end this way,” Kerry said in a statement. “I believe I could have handled the situation without interruption, but I do not know what warnings or other exchanges transpired between the young man and the police prior to his barging to the front of the line and their intervention. I asked the police to allow me to answer the question and was in the process of responding when he was taken into custody.”

“I was not aware that a taser was used until after I left the building,” he continued. “I hope that neither the student nor any of the police were injured. I regret enormously that a good healthy discussion was interrupted.”

Monday, September 17, 2007

Proof...

that the media is part of an unspoken campaign to objectify women's bodies in new and disgusting ways.

Some slick ad exec thought this was the perfect way to hit their target audience of young men.

If I was a young man, I'd be offended. Maybe you like football, maybe you like boobs but do you need them together?

I HATE THIS COMMERCIAL.

From the paper that brought you "Rape is magical"

Central Connecticut State University is having a rough year, publicity wise. Once again the students are protesting the collegiate newspaper, the Recorder. First it was John Petroski. Now it's this truly offensive cartoon.


*click to enlarge the hate*

Now what brilliant person thought this was funny?

Friday, September 14, 2007

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Britney Spears is officially a feminist issue

Has Britney bashing gone too far?
Has Britney bashing gone too far?


(click on image to view terrible news clip)

This proves it. Britney Spears is my new poster girl for: "THE NEED FOR FEMINISM." You'd think with two female commentators, this clip wouldn't be so god awful, but it is.

MSNBC Anchor, Chris Jansing speaks to Courtney Hazlett (OK magazine) on the "Britney bombs at the VMA" story. This segment is all over the place and at the end Jansing is aware she's crossed the major stupidity line.

The two women start by dissing Brit's clothes.... "or lack thereof." And out comes the blaming,

"Well she chose this outfit – she didn't feel the outfit MTV picked out was sexy or skimpy enough. She's the one who decided to go on in little more than bedazzled undergarments."

But later in the show, Hazlett admits that Britney has often been "judged less on singing and more on dancing and sex appeal."

So we judge her on sex appeal but condemn her for putting on bedazzled undergarments and dancing around?

Well according to Hazlett and Jansing, the reason the outfit is an issue is "she didn't have the body for the outfit."

While one anchor comments that maybe this is better body image for young women -- not having to be stick thin, Hazlett comes back with this bitchy retort:

If we’re looking to Britney spears to be a shining example to girls, I think body image is the least of our problems!

You claim to work for a celebrity news magazine and you still think people look to Spears for "role model" behavior? Get with the times.

Hazlett goes on to give us this pearl of wisdom:

It's time to stop being so afraid of saying someone's body doesn’t suit a certain outfit. It's not doing Britney Spears or anyone else down the line any good.

When has our culture ever been kind to women we perceive as being fat? Ever peaked through a fashion magazine where rounder women in tight clothes are portrayed under the huge bold word "DON'T" and have black bars over their eyes?

Then to further the hypocrisy the women start taking shots at Spears outfit from the "But she's a mom!" angle.

Jansing says: "I don’t look at that outfit and think mom. That's just me."

Well what do you want? Do you want her serving up the sexy or dressing "like a mom" (find me that uniform, please). I guess when Spears was young and skinny and professing her virginity it was all good to see her in bedazzled underwear?





But now motherhood and a few extra pounds means she needs ... AN APRON...

No shit!!! That's what Jansing suggests:

"Where’s the apron that’s what I want to know? Why isn’t she in the … never mind I’m gonna get in trouble for that."

YEAH YOU THINK? Where's the apron? Are you frickin kidding me? And "why isn't she in the...." in the WHAT? THE KITCHEN? Is that where you were going? Cause, last time I checked you're working on TV! Do you have kids? Cause if you do, you better get your butt back in the kitchen. At least Jansing has the where-with-all to realize what a dumbass comment it was because she immediately throws out the obligatory "moms can be whatever they want" statement.

Well, if that were true, Britney could be a pop star who can writhe in moan in sparkly panties and you wouldn't give two craps about whether or not she has kids. But she's a mom now, not a teenager, so she better quit turning us on?

This is the ultimate virgin/mother/whore complex come to life.

And for the record, her performance was awful, I don't like the song and I think she does need to get her crap together. That aside I'm so, SO, SO sick of the way the media is gleefully discussing this issue. I look forward to the ACTUAL news story on how "Britney bashing HAS gone too far."

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Plus size makes you sub-human?

I will acknowledge some truth right now:

Being slimmer, eating right and working out is healthier for you.
Anyone working towards those goals has my support and respect.


However, can we acknowledge these truths without demonizing people of a larger size? I mean, really?

This story on CNN could have been positive. An unhappy, overweight woman loses 110 pounds! No easy task since she did so without the intervention of surgery or pills. However, upon closer inspection of this story, my heart really sank.

"Friends asked my husband to e-mail them a picture of us. Later, I discovered that he had sent them an old photograph taken when I was much smaller. Even though he loved me, he was embarrassed at how much weight I had gained."

It's not that her husband was sad that her health might be in jeopardy or that her self-confidence might be failing-- it was the fact that she didn't fit the conventional image of beauty and he couldn't show off her photo?

Okay at this point in the story I figured I may be overreacting. Then came this...

"When I finally reached my goal (weight), my wedding ring was two sizes too big. I had already had it resized twice and the jeweler was hesitant that I might lose more weight. Rather than resize it, my husband bought me a new beautiful diamond ring and when he gave it to me he said this was a renewal of our wedding vows," she recalled.

Red flag #2: Renewal of wedding vows? A big shiny ring? Why not a "congrats for getting hot again" banner? It just seems odd -- as if saying-- this is what is holding our marriage back together.

Twitchell says her husband keeps telling people that he's got his wife back.

Uhhhh-- where was she before? You realize she was the same person, just heavier right?

Again, I realize being trim and healthy is a wonderful thing but I'm sick of demonizing people who dare to be plus size and even *gasp* seem to be okay with their plus size figures. We paint fatness as this repulsive, marriage-ending disease for which women should hide their faces in shame.

It's one thing if you're unhappy in your skin and trying to lose weight but I'd like to see more big, beautiful women acting like this:

Saturday, September 08, 2007

What do you think?

Remember that nice guy, John Petroski? He wrote an article for his student paper about how magical rape was-- and what a great thing it was for the ugly girls out there? You can read the full article here but I wouldn't recommend it if you just ate lunch.

Facebook has a group dedicated to shaming Petroski (it boasts nearly 2 thousand peeps) and yet Petroski is a member. He often makes overtures that "everyone in it is stupid" and he is "never coming back." Yet it seems there is little else to occupy his time.

He recently posted this video from the Onion as proof that we just didn't get his funny, funny joke.


Missing Girl Probably Raped

Well for once, Petroski and I agree on something. I don't find the news clip that funny. But to be fair, I work with sexual assault victims and their families on a daily basis. So trying to find some humor in these situations is a stretch for me.

However, the Onion is directing its criticism at the media. A media which often likes to spotlight stories of beautiful, young, white women and become foam-at-the-mouth excited talking about all the sordid details of their death. The Onion clip also makes fun of the lack of tact exhibited by news media when trying to get the "money shot" of the crying, pleading parents.

For example, I chuckled (although it was a sad, hallow one-- nothing like how you'd laugh at say, animal bloopers) when then news anchor made a comment along the lines of, "Would it comfort you to think that your daughter died quickly rather than being raped over and over?"

This is very clearly a satire of a shameful, calculated media who try to get ratings by selling the stories of brutalized women.

Now here's a sampling of Petroski's piece:

Take ugly women, for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joy of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn’t have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn’t, at least no self-respecting man would, but therein lies the beauty of rape. No self-respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too, and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.

What is he hoping to accomplish with this "joke"?

Petroski isn't attacking media or people's morbid fascination with sex crimes-- he's mocking the victims of sexual assault and anyone who dares to take the crime of rape seriously.

Far from a vile act, rape is a magical experience that benefits society as a whole.

At the end of his mockery, Petroski hints that this is really about the media,
But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page.

If this is his attempt to pull an "Onion" he's failed miserably. You can't write an article where 80% of the subject matter is mocking a serious and heinous crime and also attacking any victim of this crime with a mentality that it's really "all in good fun for the victims." And then try to salvage the piece with a one-note comment at the end of "I remind you this is satire about the media because they think rape is interesting."

After all the fallout from this article, you'd think Petroski would learn something but he's determined to prove he's funny. It's just the rest of the world that doesn't get it. I'd like to live in his fantasy world, it must be such a easy place to delude yourself.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Pointing out the hypocrisy



They interview Ann from Feministing-- awesome!
Note to Southwest: I will NEVER fly your airline AGAIN.

One more reason to be scared



Police break up anti-war meeting in Washington

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Mounted police charged in to break up an outdoor press conference and demonstration against the Iraq war in Washington on Thursday, arresting three people, organizers and an AFP reporter said.

"The police suppressed the press conference. In the middle of the speeches, they grabbed the podium" erected in a park in front of the White House for the small gathering, Brian Becker, national organizer of the ANSWER anti-war coalition, told AFP.

"Then, mounted police charged the media present to disperse them," Becker said.

The charge caused a peaceful crowd of some 20 journalists and four or five protestors to scatter in terror, an AFP correspondent at the event in Lafayette Square said. No one appeared to have been hurt.

Three people -- Tina Richards, the mother of a marine who did two tours of duty in Iraq; Adam Kokesh, a leader of the Iraq Veterans Against the War group; and lawyer Ian Thompson, who is an organizer for ANSWER in Los Angeles -- were arrested, Becker said.

"A petition calling for the impeachment of President George W. Bush, allegedly carrying one million signatures and endorsed by former US attorney general Ramsey Clark, will also be submitted to officials during the week's activities."
The ANSWER coalition is trying to rally support for an anti-war demonstration in Washington that is due to take place on September 15.

Last month, the movement was threatened with a fine of at least 10,000 dollars unless it removed posters in the city announcing the September 15 march.

Washington city authorities have said the posters had to come down because they were stuck on with adhesive that did not meet city regulations.

"At our demonstration today we were showing the media that the paste we use conforms to the rules," Becker said.

"One of our activists was making a speech when the police barged in and grabbed the podium. At that point, Tina Richards started to put up a poster, so they arrested her and two others."

"This strategy of suppression has not worked. We expect many tens of thousands of people" in Washington for the September 15 anti-war demonstration, he said.

The march has been timed to coincide with the release of a report by the US military commander in Iraq, General David Petraeus, and will be part of a week of protests led by veterans of the Iraq war.

A petition calling for the impeachment of President George W. Bush, allegedly carrying one million signatures and endorsed by former US attorney general Ramsey Clark, will also be submitted to officials during the week's activities, ANSWER has told AFP.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Newsflash, Bush: War never "kicks ass"

Another reason I can't stand our president.

A great football win kicks ass
Frozen Yogurt kicks ass
Rock concerts kick ass


But the disruption of a country
millions of refugees
war-torn poverty,
countless dead civilians
and the loss of our nation's sons and daughters in military conflict that began on LIES

DOES NOT

"kick ass"


What a freakin' tool.

Your seat cushion can double as a cover for your slutty, shameful body


Feministing broke this unreal story.

Apparently this outfit is so offensive that Southwest felt they could remove this woman, Kyla Ebbert from the plane to lecture her on her innapropriate clothing.

She arrived at Lindbergh Field wearing a white denim miniskirt, high-heel sandals, and a turquoise summer sweater over a tank top over a bra.

Really how dare a woman wear a skirt and tank top in 100+ degree weather. The flight attendedant gave Ebbert a chance to change but she was without luggage and had to fight for her right to stay aboard the plane with legs showing.

Ebbert says several flight attendants overheard the conversation and, after an embarrassing walk down the aisle, she took her seat and spread a blanket over her lap. She kept her composure until the plane landed, when she called her mother and broke down.

It just makes me sick. Visit feministing for more including a great photo of what Southwest airlines used to consider appropriate dress for flight attendants --- as one commenter points out-- I guess it's okay for woman to dress provactively as long as it's corporate (read: men) set the rules.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Gross

Ever see an ad and just think--- are you freaking kidding me? The one below showed an animated cartoon woman shedding pounds. Isn't that nice? Cause nothing beats shrinking down to fit properly into your bikini top and tiny white ruffled skirt.

And I bet you a million dollars no pill is gonna work like this either. But damn it we gotta hold onto the dream of conformity.





Monday, August 27, 2007

Hat Tip

To pandagon and their absolutely fabulous post regarding Emergency Contraception and the wingnuts. MUST READ.

Some choice quotes:

The belief that women are impossibly stupid is the only way that misogynists can square away their misogyny with themselves—they don’t hate women! They just want to take away our rights to protect us from ourselves! The law is a big neck cone so the stupid bitches don’t chew out our stitches.)

YES-- GOOD

The attempt to redefine woman-controlled contraception as “abortion” speaks volumes about both the anti-choice agenda (ban all female control over reproduction) and their understanding that their actual goals are so far to the right that they can’t be spoken out loud. In an effort to stop new, effective contraception from getting into the market, anti-choicers launched an unfortunately successful misinformation campaign to convince people that EC works by sloughing off fertilized eggs. It doesn’t. The overwhelming evidence suggests that it couldn’t work that way. Anti-choicers exploit scientific unwillingness to speak in absolutes to suggest that it could conceivably slough off a fertilized egg and therefore they figured that people’s ignorance of biology would fill in the rest until people assumed that’s how EC must work.

Blogger, Amanda Marcotte also does some great deciphering on the medical "how does it work" aspect of E.C. For one thing, we are a culture so uncomfortable talking about sex we tend to go with a lot of misinformation. For instance... the movie "Look who's talking" and the famous conception scene where it appears that there's sex and then miraculously-- A BABY-- video below, spliced quite brilliantly with Star Wars.

Most people tend to overrate the importance of male orgasms as the central event in baby-making and assume, wrongly, that conception must occur within seconds or minutes of ejaculation. The myth makes a rough kind of sense, and it’s aided mightily by patriarchal frames that give credit for making babies to men (from the idea that conception-not-pregnancy makes a baby to the naming of children after their fathers). In reality, sperm are built for endurance for a reason—conception often takes up to three days after sex to occur, which is why the window for using EC is 72 hours, though the longer you wait, the worse the chances of it working get.

I *heart* Marcotte.

Click here to read it all in full. It's a sweet post.

New study shows Medical Abortion is safe

Hooray for this article

It actually has some medical fact in there!

While previous research has shown surgical abortions don’t increase the risk of problems in later pregnancies, little research had been done into the impact of medical abortions.

And good news according to a study on more than 12,000 Danish women:
Women who use abortion pills rather than the more common surgical method seem to face no greater risk of tubal pregnancy or miscarriage in later pregnancies, according to a new study.


The article also gives interesting history of medication abortion -- how it became legal in France in 1988 but by '89 the Bush administration had made it illegal in the U.S.

Medical abortions appeal to women because they can do it in the privacy of their home, can seem less intimidating than surgical abortion and just about any doctor can prescribe the pills.

Problem is that most doctors won't prescribe this pills-- not because they're worried about safety but because they're worried about violence from anti-choicers.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Happy One Year Anniversary E.C.



CNN has shocking news. Sales for the morning after pill went up -- now that you can get it over the counter.

Shocking, right?

It's easier to get. So more people are getting it.

Can I get a "DUH"?

The end of the article gives lip service to the nutters.

Conservative and religious groups argued that easy availability would promote promiscuity and sexually transmitted diseases among teens and others.

Yeah, they've got it now. I really wanted to go out and nail every guy I met but I wasn't sure I could get some EC. Now that I can-- PARTAY! On a side note, "birth control promotes promiscuity" when translated from conserva-speak is actually: "Giving women options to prevent pregnancy means they can enjoy protected sexual relationships. And that is bad. Women enjoying sex without threat of children! AHHH SLUTS!"

Of course getting the FDA to approve over-the-counter sales for the morning after pill was tricky. It took years and more than 60,000 letters or support and many signed petitions. There were people at the time who argued that if we dared to approve EC it would start up sex cults among teenagers. No, seriously.

We need to wake up to the scary truth! The conservatives and religious right aren't
just against abortion-- but they want to outlaw birth control as well. They believe women should have NO control over their bodies and people should not be able to plan their families.

So for now, we celebrate-- one year ago today Emergency Contraception was given the green light to be sold over the counter. That is a victory for the good guys. However, pharmacists can refuse to dispense the drug and conserva-nazis want to take the right away so keep fightin' the good fight.


Monday, August 20, 2007

Dogs > Women




Dear Footballers, beat your wives not your dogs

Today NFL quarterback Michael Vick accepted a deal to plead guilty to federal conspiracy charges involving an illegal dogfighting operation.

The Vick dogfighting scandal has been HUGE, GIGANTIC NEWS since it broke. And for good reason-- it's horrific.

Court documents released last week showed that two of Vick's alleged partners said he helped kill dogs that didn't fight well, and that the three men "executed approximately eight dogs" in ways that included hanging and drowning.

Hold on.... I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Seriously, it takes a special kind of asshole to do that to an animal.

The NFL has dropped hints that it'll be a long time IF EVER before Vick plays again. People keep saying how "troubling" this is for the NFL. Why then, doesn't it trouble these people when their star athletes abuse women?

This blog post says it all

It was only last summer when Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Brett Myers assaulted his wife in full view of onlookers, dragging her in the street by her hair and slapping her repeatedly. He was charged with assault and battery by a Boston court, but his employer, Major League Baseball, declined to level any punishment, saying, through a spokesman, "It was an off-field incident and it's the player's private life. We're going to let the legal system run its course." The league has no policy requiring suspension of players charged or convicted in domestic violence cases.

This horrible scandal with Vick should shock and disgust us all. But dragging your spouse by her hair is "a private matter"? Please tell me these people don't buy their own B.S.? Can you really delude yourself that much?

I realize I'm not the first, nor am I the only person to bring up this point but it just bothers me that the NFL is so blind.

Though they'll test their players till kingdom come for illegal substances, and kick them out of the league if they test positive enough times, apparently being charged with beating your wife -- and in some cases, being convicted of it -- just doesn't measure up.

When can we expect a public apology for disregarding women in this way?

I'm gonna venture.... NEVER?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Hugh Hefner is all knowing


Check out my girlfriends, they only need the one chair

The media always needs a scandal. Last week it was an alleged sexual assault at the Playboy mansion. At this time, the case has been dropped because the alleged victim is declining to press charges. The "feminists are evil lying bitches" folks are coming out in drolls concluding that this is further proof that rape is nothing more than hype so women can win court money to pay for boob jobs (really--- I read a blog today claiming just that).

I have no clue whether or not this rape occured. I was not there and don't know the circumstance--- from what I can gather online, the woman claimed to be assaulted while unconcious. Naturally that makes pursuing a criminal investigation tricky as she has no memory of the attack.

I feel the need to speak up since once again, jerkwads are claiming this as a victory for the "women lie about rape" camp. Would it really be out of the quesiton for a woman to be raped at a Playboy party?

ABSOLUTELY NOT. This is actually the perfect breeding ground for a sexual assault.

Free flowing booze (and likely drugs) combined with an overcrowded, oversexed atmosphere where people are pushing limits and acting wild. What do you suppose men assume about female Playmates or women who attend Playboy functions? I'm betting they have it in their mind that these women are free and loose about sex. Is it any surprise then that a sexual assault could or WOULD happen there?

Thank goodness Mr. Hefner went on TV to set the record straight. *SARCASM*

Yes, it's true there was insuffiencent evidence to proceed and the woman declined to press charges but this happens constantly in sexual assault situations. Rape is often a 'he said/she said' situation. And in this case alcohol was involved (to the point where a woman was unconcious). Add to the mix that the woman was MORE THAN LIKELY dressed provacitively or acting our sexually... I mean, would you want to go into court with that working against you? Often women decline to press charges because they don't want to open themselves up to ridicule or questions that put blame on them. Can't you hear it?

You went to the Playboy mansion? Without your boyfriend? Wearing that? Flirting with whom? How did you dance? You kissed how many people? You drank HOW much?

Mr. Hefner stated on TV that "absolutely no rape occured." He even tells the reporter that this woman MADE UP the story to placate an angry boyfriend because she got home late.

Cause the "Sorry I'm late honey, I was raped" excuse is so much easier than the "my car broke down" excuse?

Mr. Hefner's speaking to media about this is beyond vile. He offers no proof of this story except that "there's no question about it." In this particular interview, Mr. Hefner does not say he spoke with police or the alleged victim.

I want to remind Mr. Hefner that at this time, the woman has NOT recanted her story, merely declined to press charges. I imagine she thought she could avoid this sort of press/speculation/circus if she dropped the charges--- turns out, Mr. Hefner's going to call her a lying whore in public anyway. And he's got hords of trolls doing it online as well.

If this was a false accusation, it's horrible for the people involved and for women who ARE raped. But if this assault did occur and this is how the media reacts, it's just one more situation that's going to keep real rape victims afraid.

Monday, August 13, 2007

New Rule

Dear comment-leaving-people,

I will post comments that I disagree with if it raises an actual point. I'm glad to discuss things. But I will not be publishing comments that are unbelievably stupid and full of resentful sexist whining. If that describes you, please run along elsewhere. I will not pity-publish your posts here any longer

Thanks.

xoxo
Tobes

Friday, August 10, 2007

YES!

I want to marry this woman. For shiz.
What We Deserve

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

F***ing Brilliant


In my last post, I wrote about this billboard. The discussion has sparked an interesting debate with remarks such as "women bring this on themselves."

Well a comment from Adrienne was so well written that I have decided to give it a proper place as its own post. To read comments leading up to this answer, click here.

Adrienne states:

Although I hate giving this answer, it is absolutely true: if you were a woman, you would totally get the whole 'objectification of women' problem. Imagine your wife having to go out in a skimpy tank top and boy shorts with an impending wedgie in order to get a fair deal at a car dealership. If the thought makes you uncomfortable, imagine how we feel-- especially if you do not, for whatever reason, fulfill that sexual stereotype. Is it fair for me to walk into a store and not get service, while my five foot one hundred and ten pound sister gets helped immediately? Call it human nature, and I'll buy it, but that doesn't make it right. My money is as good as anyone's, so is my time, and-- attention please-- so is my body. Same parts, same functions. In fact, I may even use some of my parts better than others.

Admittedly, the problem is, at times, stemming from women. I've commented on this before on this site. But lets examine that, shall we? In my experience-- as a woman-- women who pull me down because of my appearance do so because of some insecurity of their own. Why? Because we all see each other as competition. The fact that the sexual stereotypes (thou must be skinny, full breasted, with long blonde hair and ruby red lips) perpetuate in our heads is not our fault (even if it is our problem).

Looking at things from a generational stand point, let us take a small look at the women who we gained most of our insight from: Our Mothers. Our mothers, who were raised watching TV shows where girls were told that being a woman was better because it meant less responsibility and decision making. Mothers who took high school courses on making perfect roasts and how to fold napkins, while the boys learned accounting and managerial skills.

And, above all else, mothers who were taught by THEIR mothers that they needed to be a certain sexual stereotype in order to snag a bread winner for their empty little heads. It's no secret that since the beginning of time men have been choosing women based solely on their looks: if she's a virgin and she's beautiful, then she's worth every penny of the bride price. If she's 'soiled,' or ugly, then she better come with an awesome dowry. You may think times have changed, but the women of my generation-- when both eating disorders and teenage sexuality are at an all time high-- know differently.

Again, the fact that the stereotype perpetuates is not our fault, even if it is our problem.

The stereotype stems from, was created by, men. I have actually been broken up with because I am overweight. I have lost roles in musicals because I do not fulfill the 'romantic lead' appearance. I have been overlooked for PR positions because I don't have a 'public face' (look at the number one college major for beauty queens: communications).

The problem with this billboard is that it is selling sex. What a tired, overdone marketing ploy. This billboard tells me nothing about the radio station except that it is run by men, for men, who are willing to exploit and objectify women in order to get more listeners (read: money). What kind of music do they play? Soft core porn?

The question is: where do we draw the line? At what point have we crossed it? What negative outcomes could possibly outweigh the gains of this billboard?

Will all the teenage girls with eating disorders, trying desperately to look like this bill board please raise their hands? Continue raising them if you have also purchased ridiculously promiscuous clothes in an attempt to attract attention to your pubescent body?

And, PS-- it doesn't make much sense to have sex so blatantly on display for all to see and then to make contraceptives and abortion illegal. Just saying.



****

WELL DONE SISTER. Truly couldn't have said it better myself

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Billboard debate



This billboard has caused a firestorm of criticism in my community. The local newspaper featured several stories and the online forum for each drew pages and pages of comments.

A 37-year-old mother, Jennifer Dufner is at the front of a media campaign calling the billboard inappropriate. She has expressed concern over how the image will affect her 3 step kids (all younger than 10).

In this article, Dufner seems concerned about the clothing (or lack thereof) that is worn. I'm not offended really, this outfit is more than most women would wear for swim-wear. Rather than young children, I find myself worried about adolescent and pre-teen girls who see this billboard.

Young girls seeing this image will be very clear on the message. The sign says "THIS is what an acceptable, sexy woman looks like." And consequently, if you want to feel valued by men or if you want men to find you attractive, you will conform this beauty norm. I'm not saying this billboard alone does this. But this billboard paired with every other ad depicting young women, any every MTV image tells women that being thin, blonde, (and consequently, white) equals value. Not to mention that you make yourself sexually avaliable.

Young girls are told over and over through various mediums that they need to be provocatively dressed and sexually available. Interesting that in this billboard, the young woman has no head, no mouth no face-- none of that pesky personality. She's quite literally just a hot piece of ass.

What a nice message.

I can't see how this billboard breaks any obscenity law (our town's city council has agreed) but it certainly doesn't brighten my day driving by it. Just another disappointing ad in a trend of ads that cut apart women's bodies to sexually entice men and in turn, sell product. In this case, rock music. Not that women being sexy = horrible. Sure, entice the men-folk. But how about a hot rocker chick playing a guitar or belting out a song? Why is she this passive, faceless OBJECT?

On a related note, dehumanizing women in billboards has been a hot topic of late. There was a recent uproar about a much more disgusting billboard advertising for the movie Captivity. The sexualization of violence was so blatant in this case that the billboard was eventually pulled. And I must say, that if I had kids and they saw that atrocity, I WOULD be horrified as well. If my kid asked about the ROCK 102 billboard I could roll my eyes, but the Captivity poster is sick on a different level.

If you want a fabulous source for portrayals of women in advertising, look up Jean Kilbourne. Her video documentary series "Killing us Softly" is amazing.

The Rock station's billboard is relatively tame to be sure, but I wouldn't shed a tear if they all came down. I just think the advertisers could stand to stretch their imagination a little more. The sexualization of women's body to sell product is so overdone. Imagine doing something unique and actually clever.

Personally what offends me most is that she looks like she has the beginning of a wedgie.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Unexpected

Last night I was called in to the E.R. for a 23 year old rape victim-- same age as myself. I wondered what she was like as I drove to the hospital. Then I walked into the room came face to face with a man sitting in a hospital gown.

I sincerely hope the look of shock didn't register to my face.

Even though I know male rape happens, it wasn't really a reality for me. Every other trauma call I'd had was a female victim. I hadn't entered my realm of possibility that the 23 year old "victim" wouldn't look like me.

The evening was a huge learning experience. First I learned that the aftermath of rape is similar regardless of gender: shame, anger, embarrassment, wanting to keep it secret are reactions no matter what chromosome you have.

But I learned a great deal more speaking with the male police officer who was also at the scene. The cop was horrified by the notion that this could happen. The victim was driving in a truck with a coworker who pulled over, threatened him with a weapon and then threatened his life before forcing himself on him. This sort of thing was just not registering with the cop.

"How was he supposed to know that was coming? He knew this guy! Why would he do that out of no where?"

An angry, bitter voice inside me wanted to sneer, "Welcome to the world of womanhood where I fear every man who sits next to me... all the worse if I know him in some way."

Instead I said, "It's unthinkable I know. But this was an act of power and control and fear. It's not about sex but about violence. I don't even know if the gender of the victim mattered."

But the cop could NOT get over the idea of two men doing anything sexual-- consensual or not. I could tell immediately that he was having a very hard time (despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary) believing this assault had happened at all.

"No way in hell I'd let a man touch me like that. Disgusting."

Well yes it IS disgusting. But it'd be just as disgusting if he did this to a woman! I felt myself feeling more and more sorry for this male victim. We ask these same questions of female victims of course: Why didn't you fight back, did you just lay there and let it happen?

But male victims have an extra stigma. Male to female assault isn't regarded as out-of-the-ordinary. It's expected that a man could/would overpower a woman. But we expect men to handle their problems. A real man should be able to protect himself. No real man would stand for being raped! They'd fight, kick ass, they'd be TOUGH and STRONG. Men are not overpowered.

So the obvious conclusion is that men who are raped are weak, defective or maybe they wanted it to happen-- maybe they are gay?

Female victims face similarly horrible accusations but without that extra disgust of homophobia, and reaction of disgust that so many straight man have at the idea of one man forcing sex on another.

The scariest conclusion came later as I walked across the dark hospital parking lot. My eyes scanned around me and my keys were at the ready. Once I jumped safely into my car, I clicked down my automatic locks and heaved a sigh of relief. It was then I had a horrible jolt. I had been conditioned to play this role, lock the doors quick, be on alert, never accept an open drink, don't go back to his room alone etc. But does any of this cross my boyfriend's mind? My fathers? My best guy friends?

I guarantee the men in my life walk freely every day never dreaming they need to fear rape or sexual violence. But truth is healthy, strong, 23 year old men can be victims. And not only does our society seem mightily unfit to deal with male victims, but also we don't entertain the notion that men CAN be victims in the first place.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Not that I'm bitter

I'm angry at this point in my life. I feel like believing in God isn't so bad but organized religion causes nothing but problems and I have very specific anger in my heart for Catholic clergy.

For many reasons. My mother and I left the Catholic church years ago leaving my poor dad behind. There are plenty of priests out there who are quiet amazing--- I've even met a few. But the fact of the matter is, when it comes to the big-wigs in Vatican City. I would just as soon kick them in the shin. Seriously. Where the hell do they get off?

First the pope comes out with some bullshit about how you're not down with the G-O-D unless you're willing to worship (er-- follow) the Pope. After all, if you're not Catholic, you're just wounded.

"Christ 'established here on earth' only one church," the document said. The other communities "cannot be called 'churches' in the proper sense" because they do not have apostolic succession — the ability to trace their bishops back to Christ's original apostles.

They have the audacity to put that crap out there days before this hits.

Cardinal Roger Mahony apologized Sunday to the plaintiffs, who claim to have been sexually abused by archdiocese priests. He acknowledged that the settlement will not buy back their childhood.

You know what Mr. Pope, I don't think now was the best time to advertise that you are the only religion that "gets it" do you? Cause clearly you don't.

Yes. I take this all very personally. I take it personally when a bunch of men, who conveniently rule out women in every major role of influence and deny women any reproductive autonomy decide to inform the world that "ours is the only REAL way to go."

Oh and did I mention that they also try to tell you how to vote *otherwise no communion for you!* and they hate gay people.

Yeah. What winners!