Sunday, September 09, 2007

Plus size makes you sub-human?

I will acknowledge some truth right now:

Being slimmer, eating right and working out is healthier for you.
Anyone working towards those goals has my support and respect.

However, can we acknowledge these truths without demonizing people of a larger size? I mean, really?

This story on CNN could have been positive. An unhappy, overweight woman loses 110 pounds! No easy task since she did so without the intervention of surgery or pills. However, upon closer inspection of this story, my heart really sank.

"Friends asked my husband to e-mail them a picture of us. Later, I discovered that he had sent them an old photograph taken when I was much smaller. Even though he loved me, he was embarrassed at how much weight I had gained."

It's not that her husband was sad that her health might be in jeopardy or that her self-confidence might be failing-- it was the fact that she didn't fit the conventional image of beauty and he couldn't show off her photo?

Okay at this point in the story I figured I may be overreacting. Then came this...

"When I finally reached my goal (weight), my wedding ring was two sizes too big. I had already had it resized twice and the jeweler was hesitant that I might lose more weight. Rather than resize it, my husband bought me a new beautiful diamond ring and when he gave it to me he said this was a renewal of our wedding vows," she recalled.

Red flag #2: Renewal of wedding vows? A big shiny ring? Why not a "congrats for getting hot again" banner? It just seems odd -- as if saying-- this is what is holding our marriage back together.

Twitchell says her husband keeps telling people that he's got his wife back.

Uhhhh-- where was she before? You realize she was the same person, just heavier right?

Again, I realize being trim and healthy is a wonderful thing but I'm sick of demonizing people who dare to be plus size and even *gasp* seem to be okay with their plus size figures. We paint fatness as this repulsive, marriage-ending disease for which women should hide their faces in shame.

It's one thing if you're unhappy in your skin and trying to lose weight but I'd like to see more big, beautiful women acting like this:


Anonymous said...

Fat is unattractive, regardless of gender. There are certain things the human instinct will not look past: Fat, bad skin, bad teeth, bad hair. You better believe it works in both directions... women are not the only people affected by this.

Also, gaining a few pounds is a far cry from gaining as much weight as this woman did. If you can't be attracted to your partner, how can you possibly love them? Sex requires a little heat that unattractive features don't provide. Sure, marriage is about more than sex... but without a good sex life as non-seniors, how can you possibly expect the relationship to last as something MORE than simple friendship?

Are you daft?

Adrienne said...

Uh, no, Tobes is not daft. Fat being unattractive is a TOTALLY subjective opinion. I happen to LOVE my man's big soft belly and am saddened at the thought of it being replaced with a six pack. And yes, we have sex. And we LOVE IT. I've been dieting for the last three months and he's been mourning the loss of my curves-- and not just my hips and boobs.

What IS unattractive is being narrow-minded.

And, btw, if you are currently enjoying a marriage with a good sex life, good for you, you win a cookie. There are plenty of marriages that exist without sex, for numerous reasons, are are definitely beyond the realms of 'simple friendship.'

However, Tobes, I am hoping that the point the man was trying to make was that her losing the weight had made her feel better about herself. Losing weight can be very empowering; maybe making these choices for herself and improving on other areas of her life (like will power and self-control) was what made the transformation into the 'new woman' he was talking about.

BUT if his intentions behind sending out older photos of her was because he was ashamed of her gaining weight, THAT would be a divorce in the making. And I'm not even joking.

Anonymous said...

"If you can't be attracted to your partner, how can you possibly love them?"

Completely subjective remark. People out there do prefer fatter people over rail thin waifs. It's like saying brunettes are not attractive. Some people may prefer it, and some might be too shallow to see through it.