Thursday, December 14, 2006

Duke Lacrosse

I read the news last night. And an "anonymous" (who else?) was all too giddy to point it out this morning as well.

Duke lacrosse players have been cleared of DNA charges. While semen was found on the victim, it did not match any of the lacrosse players. This is surely the beginning of the end of this case. What was already an uphill battle: Word of two minority women (who were of course, "hos" because they made their money stripping) against TEAM FULL of prestigious college athletes. It was already a he-said/she-said situation. Now that the scientific evidence sides with the men, the victim has nothing left.

What's more, the statement is questionable since the woman said she had not had sex with another man. But can you blame her? Everyone was already labeling her a whore.

It looks very likely that this attack did not happen, or if an attack was made, we have not gotten the correct details. However, if "anonymous" was trying to make me feel guilty for supporting this woman in her accusation, he'll never get that out of me.

The job of an advocate is simple. When a woman says she was raped the first thing you do is believe her. Bringing forward a rape accusation is a very difficult thing to do. People are going to put you through a battery of questions and an embarrassing physical exam. It's reliving a humiliation and violation and going through shame and guilt while people try and poke holes in your story. Police officers, they have things to look for when questioning a victim. Does her story line up, make sense, is their evidence etc. It's not like any Jane Doe can bring rape allegation on any guy she wants--- a common misconception that many people hold.

There was physical evidence that a crime occurred in the Duke case. Scratch marks, bruising etc. I do not feel guilty for standing up for a woman who was outnumbered & would not have been able to defend herself. I frankly am still not 100% convinced a crime did not occur. The accuser may have been mistaken; her attackers could have been wearing condoms. While the DNA evidence is a good indicator that a crime did not occur, I know based on stats, false rape accusations are very rare.

Whatever the outcome, no one came out of this any "luckier." Not the woman, not the players, (certainly not the coach who had to resign) nor the community. What it did bring to light was the difficulty in proving rape and the underlining dangerous misogyny in many male "team-think" situations. For proof, find the e-mail sent by Duke lacrosse player, Ryan McFadyen:

I’ve decided to have some strippers over… all are welcome. However there will be no nudity. I plan on killing the bitches as soon as they walk in and proceeding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex.

Maybe this entire situation will cause some men to think twice before hiring women to work as sex objects/entertainment. Maybe they will learn that joking about cutting a woman's skin off is not light-hearted banter.

Hopefully this won't become another stat that "anonymous" folks try and throw in my face when I talk about the prevelance of rape. Because even if this was a 100% false statement by a malicious woman seeking money... it doesn’t change the facts. Rape is a huge problem, not just in America, but around the world. And the vast majority of women's statements are true---- even though some anonymous folks might try and make you believe differently.


Anonymous said...

The link was thrown in your face because you assumed they were guilty, ya dumb cunt.

Tobes said...

I assume guilt because statistics prove that false accusations are a tiny minority of rape accusations. Since this wasn't a situation of a stranger who needed identification, stats would indicate that this did happen. As did physical evidence.

Whereas you have nothing to back up your opinions. And thanks for the c-word shout out.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tobes - just came across your blog. I think this is a really interesting case. I, too, assumed guilt for the same reasons, and I think it is eminently reasonable to have done so.

When a woman says she's been raped, I always believe her. As you said, the stats of women who lie about it (2%, I believe it is, according to the FBI) would lead any reasonable person to believe her. 98% of the time, they'd be right.

Tobes said...

Thank you so much for visiting and for the kind support. It's nice having people like you visit! I checked out your site as well-- AWESOME! I need to get a google account so I can comment...

Anonymous said...

You're welcome and thanks! And you should be able to leave an anonymous comment, at least...

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but this made me smile

I’ve decided to have some strippers over… all are welcome. However there will be no nudity. I plan on killing the bitches as soon as they walk in and proceeding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex.

Well they apparently didn't do anything criminal, but it's funny in my mind because I've certainly had fantasies of getting back at women... of course, this story wouldn't be funny if they had actually hurt someone. Since people are okay you can kind of smile at it.

Right back at ya Tobes, you still smiling?

Tobes said...

No, I'm not smiling because you are gross and disgusting. Not because you have a point.

Getting "off" sexually to torturing a woman is not the same as making take a phallic-like symbol, like a condom and making it explode.

I still do not condone the woman's actions because she terrorized people she was sending it to.

It's becoming quite evident to me that you are some form of twisten sick person. I would like to suggest you seek help.

Anonymous said...

I assume you don't see the blatant hypocrisy.

I used your words from your "Sorry, but this made me smile" post on Nov 30th as you defended yourself. They are your words with only the "men" changed to women.

Tobes said...

Yes. She did a criminal thing but it's funny in my mind because I've certainly had fantasies of getting back at men... of course, this story wouldn't be funny if she had actually hurt someone. Since people are okay you can kind of smile at it.

The difference is the Duke players email you quoted was talk and obviously a joke. (It was not played out or acted upon) whereas the explosive that made you smile was something that actually happened and could have easily caused life threatening injuries if not murder.

My point is that you seem to want your cake and eat it too. It is fine for you to express amusement at an actual incident where a woman sent explosives to a man through the mail. Yet amusement at a twisted email which was obviously a joke and was never in any way acted out, deserves a trip to the mental ward according to you.

The lack of empathy with the male perspective of your posts are indicative of psychopathic behavior.

Link to back this up:

Or it could be that you are so wrapped up in yourself that you just don't care if your words offend.

Whatever the case your hypocrisy provides me with endless amusement...please continue.

Tobes said...

You know, when viewed in that light it IS hypocritical. I am a non-violence advocate and clearly posted on one of my angrier days.

While I'm an advocate of non-violence, I'm also aware that because of years of oppression and shitty treatment, women (like me) have certain fantasies which are justified. I don't want to blow anyone up. Or kill anyone. I don't think we should castrate anyone but there are moments where the overwhelming urge to "get even" steps in. It's not a healthy urge, but I'm human. I have bad days. It WAS hypocritical.

It's wrong to hurt people and to laugh at people getting hurt. The idea of an exploding condom ("you can use me as a sex object, fine, I'll blow yours off") just was ... surprising to say the least. But I think the reason I originally smiled was because in my mind I was imagining all the sick and vile men in the world who use and abuse women. It'd be nice if they were in fear sometimes. Women live with fear every day that someone could violate them sexually and physically. It's wrong, but when we see a woman trying to take the power back, it's hard not to smile just a bit.

But I'm a hypocrite because I believe in non-violence and working with men and acknowledging that men are not the "enemy."

You however, believe in nothing as far as I can tell. Except coming on here and trying to discredit a site that has a lot to say about -- reproductive rights, sexual assault, gay rights, domestic violence, war movement etc.

You have no interest in seeing men and women gain equal ground, making the world a safer space for women, talking about healthy relationships etc. You are gleeful about trying to make women look dumb (thanks, I don't need a definition of empathy).

That and your use of the word "cunt" pretty much solidify in my mind that I don't need to take you too seriously.

Find another hobby, you're not rattling anyone's cage around here.

Anonymous said...

That person who called you the name was not me. But I can see why you get us anonymous types confused. I really should get an account so I can have a name.

As for what my interests are, you are so wrong. So very wrong. It is just so obvious that your -in your face- -my way or the highway- -I can say it but you can't- style is the wrong way to go about things. You just alienate men, the only ones who can fix the problem.

I have followed your blog for a while and notice that when it gets a little hot in comments you drop another post on the front page.

Adrienne said...

I'm not very familiar with this case and I'm wondering: was their DNA evidence left on her, or no? Is it possible that there was someone else at the party who was NOT a lacrosse player but said that they were? I've been to a lot of hockey team parties, and I am never altogether sure who is actually on the team and who isn't... I'm happy if the evidence exonerates any of the men on the team, but I don't think that this new evidence proves that a crime didn't occur. I think that people need to check their motivations here... a woman was raped. We should ALL be wanting to hunt this rapist down-- and not just for her sake, but for everyone's. NONE of us should be hoping that the case is dismissed or put on the backburner just because the team is no longer involved-- there is still a rapist out there. Catch him. Catch him fast. And then throw away the key.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:47 -
So what you're saying is, since men are the only ones who can solve the problem, we shouldn't do anything to alienate them? If a group of people have the ability to end rape - not least by simply not doing it - and they choose not to, I don't think worrying about whether or not we alienate them is really the issue, here.

Anonymous said...

I’ve decided to have some strippers over… all are welcome. However there will be no nudity. I plan on killing the bitches as soon as they walk in and proceeding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex.

Well, considering this is taken from the movie American Psycho, it is pretty bad "proof."

Like the rest of this case, your evidence is crap.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and assuming guilt is a horrible thing to do. I nearly wish someone "assumes" you are guilty of some crime you did not commit in the future.

Tobes said...

Ah yes clearly, it's all fun and games because it's a movie quote. How silly of me. Please, you're disgusting.

I believe a woman when she says she was raped. Rape is extremely difficult to prove. My ultimate saddness is that victims have to constantly deal with trolls like yourself.

Whether or not this woman was in fact raped is becoming a mute point-- with people like you coming out of the woodwork to defend disgusting comments like the "american psycho" quote. You are proving yourself a vile human being.