Saturday, March 24, 2007

An update/Rant

Yes, I apologize for not updating in a while. I wish I could say there's been nothing to write about but sadly, women's issues are taking a beating wether I acknowledge it or not. My fave site, Feministe has posted on just about everything lately that I have read and been cranky about so I must encourage you to go there. They are the blog I long to be.

But in state news, ND is coming up againt an abortion ban. Passed the house, now in the senate, I've been writing letters to senators like mad but methinks this ban will go through. This bill irks me for obvious reasons but even more so because it is a COMPLETE waste of the senate's time. The bill is inefective unless Roe is overturned. Why don't you take time and debate things that will immediately go into effect? Grrr.

On the plus side, my conservative state passed a bill (with a unanimous vote no less) that will provide $50,000 for the State Department of Health to educate the public about the HPV virus and the HPV vaccine.

So there is always something to be happy about.

Working at the women's clinic is still wonderful and a great education to me. It's shows why being pro-choice is essential-- nothing will teach you that quite like working in the situation where women need choice the most. I am so grateful for the opportunity to work there. My other job has also been a major eye opener. I've been on call twice now for the crisis line and have been to the E.R. twice, dealing with the aftermath on rape.

I'm uncomfortable going into details of all these things due to confidentiality etc. but I think it's important to share what I'm doing because I think it's affected my blogging (or lack thereof). Sometimes by the end of the day I want to forget about these issues or it's just too real and too hard to talk about these topics ANY MORE.

This week my rant is pretty light-hearted. I have been hearing a phrase a lot lately and it's just made me very sad. I work as a waitress to help pay the bills so I'm around many women my age (college or just-graduated). I'm always amazed when I hear so many of them say things like, "I just don't really like being friends with other women. They annoy me." Or some variation on that phrase, something like, "All my friends are guys and I prefer it that way."

Yes, okay fine. I have a lot of guy friends too. As I write this post, my boyfriend and another friend of ours, Cory are playing Xbox. They are fun and I love 'em both but I don't know what I would do if I didn't have close women friends. And my heart always sinks when I hear women say things like "girls annoy me."

We could go into exhaustive discussion here on what makes men and women different as far as how they handle conflict, romance, common stereotypes *guys like xbox, girls like to shop* but where does this disdain for having girlfriends come from? Did they experience some level of "Mean Girls" behavior in high school? Did they have bad relationships with their mother, sisters... something?

I understand there are women out there who are less than pleasant. Or they are into different hobbies than you. Maybe you're more about sports, wings and beer, not shoes and martinis. That's fine. But just FYI, there are OTHER women like you. You are not the exception. And most women can do both shoes and sports, have a martini and then a beer. Stop writing off your own sex.

It's a self-loathing that I just can't handle or understand. Women, in my opinion form friendships that are invaluable. There's no reason to avoid relationships with women and only look for male friends. This type of attitude baffles me completely and just appears to be another offshoot of a culture that tells women and girls not to value themselves or distrust one another. The idea of "Can't be friends with women, they just gossip and are silly and stupid. They'll steal your man."

It's a pile of crap. There are certainly women I've met that I could NEVER be friends with, but this could equally be said of some men I've met. I can't ever recall hearing a guy friend say, "I just don't like being friends with other guys. They're annoying." So why do women say it? Is it about looking good in front of other men, or proving yourself "better than" or "more than" a woman?

Why do we do this?


Sarah said...

I am very much like that. Many of my closest friends are guys and they are the ones I go to first when I have problems I need help with because I have very few close girl friends. It's not that I think other women are silly or stupid, I just tend to fall on the side of having a guy brain, because I do believe it is safe to say guys and gals think differently about most things. I would not trade my guy friends for the world.

However, I was lucky enough to, upon joining my sorority, actually find that there were girls within the chapter JUST LIKE ME, so I ended up winning anyway. There is always someone to relate to, you just have to put in the effort to look.

BTW, I love Mean Girls. Not entirely relevent, but I love the movie and am actually watching it right now.

Tobes said...

See, I accept your reasoning! I have Mean Girls on my netflix queue. Can't wait now :)

Sarah said...

It's so true, Tina Fey is pretty much awesome. I want to read the book it's based on, which is actually a non-fiction book and in the parenting section at Barnes and Noble, It's called "Queen Bees and Wannabes" and then there's a second one, "Mean Girls Grown Up" about mothers who were once these 'mean girls' and continue the behavior into adulthood. I'll get to them eventually...

Adrienne said...

Yeah I'm also guilty of having mostly male friends. I don't exclude women, but it's just at trend for me that the ones who 'make the cut' usually always turn out to be men. I have a few very valuable, lovely women that are my close friends.

KeepAskingWhy said...

Regarding our state...Did you see, though, that ND passed SB 2103???? Yeah, it took way too long but they finally did get that one right.

My blog on it: