Friday, September 16, 2005

The Weaker Sex

I'm talking, of course, about men

Correction- SOME MEN.

What has happened to men? When I was young, I watched actors like Gene Kelly and Disney movies with Prince Charmings. I had a certain idea in my head about what a gentleman was. Nowadays 'gentlemen' is word we don't even know how to define. The gentlemen breed is so rare and elusive, many believe them extinct.

Walking about my college campus, I notice that the male population is not impressive. I turn on the TV and I see more of these non-gentlemen. He's everywhere from the voiceover on the "Girls gone wild" ad, to the pathetic contestant on Elimi-Date going, "if you two kiss for me, I'll eliminate the other chick."

Before I go farther, let me stop and say -- I am dating a nice guy, I'm friends with nice men, plenty of my girlfriends are dating, or engaged to GOOD men. But the vast majority of my female friends are stuck with complete lame-asses. I look at the world around me and I feel like the "Men in Emily's life" pie chart has one huge slice labeled "DUMB ASSES." You know what I'm saying?

Do I need to define the undesirable breed of man? Cause I can!

Besides the specimen I see on campus, wearing trucker hats and "DO ME" t-shirts, (the guys who will not only NOT open a door for you, but shove past you when you're trying to open one for yourself,) there also are many prime examples on TV. I'm talking of course about the Kevin Federline's, the P. Diddy's, or frankly any male on MTV. For proof watch "Laguna Beach," Room Raiders, or "Date my mom." I can only go so far with this argument, because chances are if you're a 20-something on MTV, you're a dip-shit. But moving on…

Take a program I was watching on VH1. The Fabulous Life of ... something or other. All these celebrity men are wearing diamonds! Diamond watches, bracelets, earrings--- what the deuce? Am I supposed to be turned on by a man wearing jewelry-- not only that but gaudy female jewelry? What's next, the man purse? Oh wait….

Now back up. I'm not saying we need “manly men.” Hell no! I am an advocate for the Queer Eye makeover team. But it's the overall attitude of these men who wear "bling" -- it's the "I'm rich so totally come over here and dance on me with no clothes on" mentality. YUCK.

Then it's the stories I hear from my girlfriends. Some men have an attitude that we, as women are supposed to just be grateful they picked us out at the bar and are now gracing us with their butt-slapping presence. We're supposed to overlook the fact that they have no ambition in life and apparently no cleaning supplies in their entire apartment. I mean-- these guys expect to get laid? COME ON!

These are the same guys that get offended when we aren't laughing at their dumb blonde jokes, or turned on by a shirt called a "wife beater." By the way--- shirt name-- NOT COOL.

I see them all over. In bars, in class, on TV. They walk around with this smug, "You know you want it. I'm so awesome, check out my pimped out ride. By the way I have a huge penis."

FYI-- I don't want it. You're not that cool. Stop saying 'pimped' --it's offensive and get over the penis already!

To all the decent men out there, even if your wardrobe be not of Abercrombie origin, and your CD collection boasts no Snoop Dog, we females may still find you manly, loveable, and god-forbid desirable boyfriends.

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