Monday, April 07, 2008

You too can be a bionic wife!

Give up your notions of equality and have better marriages!

I saw this on You Tube and thought it must be some sort of joke. Still not sure, but there's a creepy website along with it...

The website is brought to you by Bob Grant aka "The Relationship Doctor" because he has "the prescription for finding love, keeping passion alive, and reigniting relationships that have lost their spark." -- (hold on, I just puked)

"Dr." Grant gives us stellar advice like this:

Many marital problems persist because wives do NOT have the right concept of how to become a better wife. Being a better wife entails much more than being accommodating to your husband when it comes to sex ... more than looking pretty ... more than cooking good meals, keeping a house in order and laundering his clothes.

*Emphasis mine*

"Dr." Grant gives us helpful anecdotes of success stories, like this one:

A client (whom I will call Diana to protect her privacy) came to consult with me last year. She had been married to her husband, Brad, for 5 years -- and she had become frustrated that her marriage was “stuck.”

Diana had a very successful job in the corporate world. Because of her effective communications skills in her professional life, she used the same professional and polite way of speaking to her husband, thinking it would be effective. In addition, Diana had been raised to believe that both spouses in a marriage are completely equal.

The result? A boring marriage that lacked any spark of passion
-- except when they fought. (Tobes here: Yeah, don't you hate how BORING equality is?)

I asked Diana to consider the idea that what her husband really desired was not a wife who's his equal, but his complement. She took my advice and began to speak to him in a way that made him want to listen to her. She also stopped competing with him -- but instead treated him in ways that captivated his heart.

Several months ago, Diana mentioned to Brad that she was tired of working, and that she wanted to stay home and take care of the children and him. Because the strategies I taught her had enabled her to weave herself into her husband's heart and make him emotionally dependent on her (see page 81), poor Brad never stood a chance. He was powerless to deny Diana what she desired. He didn't quite know how he would find a better-paying job to replace their dual income -- and he didn't even know if he could -- but he couldn't bear the thought of disappointing Diana.

Diana had learned how to seduce him with her words, discovered a brand new way of looking at him and responding to his advances (see page 39) that now, Brad was virtually a slave to her wishes. He wanted to please her at all costs.

When I first read this, I nearly choked. This is the oldest marriage advice out there!

"If you don't compete or nag and don't expect equality, your husband will be a saint. And if your husband isn't a saint, it's because you're not the right kind of wife. Make your husband think he has all the power (do that by conveniently giving up a lot of your own) and then he'll be powerless -- because you know men are just helpless around women."

The website honestly just gets worse. But if you order now, you too can learn "The No. 1 mistake wives make during lovemaking that rob their husbands of libido, and make them feel inadequate, or even impotent – and the delicious gift of arousal you can give him during sex that will make him more attentive to you even outside the bedroom."

Well sign me up.

Except no... don't.... this is all so creepy and gross.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to mesmerize my husband and turn him into my slave. Especially if the way to go about doing that is to become a "bionic" robot wife.

Example #1,982,290,498 of why embracing feminism and creating equal relationships benefits us all.

PS: Anyone else get the major creepers when the video used a pic of the (now-infamous) Tom Cruise hopping for joy on Oprah' couch... ummm, don't know about the rest of you but I want a marriage that is NOTHING like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.... talk about Bionic Wife!


Anonymous said...

I was in an abusive relationship where my wanting to be equal really mean that I was "competing" for the control of the relationship. Silly me, see how wrong it was for me to want to be equal partners? I must have deserved what I got for having the gall to "compete". I should have just shut up and let him tell me what to think and how to behave.


I got out. And now I am in a relationship where we are equals, and ya know, I don't think "bored" is a word I would use for us. We have plenty of time for "passion" and "competing", but it has nothing to do w/ who's in control of the relationship, or who is the more important person.

oh, and Tobes, I am trying to get Open ID to work, so that is why I am popping up as all these different names. Ugh! I hetz tecnologeeeeeeee! I can't figure out why it used my name once, and now "". grr.

Anne Onne said...

Ugh that sucks. I'm not watching the video because I had a tiring day, and it would be the icing on the cake of xenophobic patrairchical crap.

funnily enough, I think they're right in a twisted way. Women wanting equality does put a strain on marriages. Because the husbands in these cases are unthinking misogynistic arseholes who don't want a wife, they want a cleaner with benefits.

If we could get men to pick up more of the slack, and work to examine their privilege, then relationships would be better for everyone. Ignoring half the people to make it work doesn't make it a relationship. It's not a relationship if one person has to sacrifice everything for the other to be happy.

Also, Diana being polite to her husband was a turnoff? will these douchebags ever be happy until we're tied up to the stove, barefoot and pregnant, giving blow jobs whilst doing the washing?

Also, it doesn't sound like even he wanted her to leave work, she didn't originally want it (but was told it was the only thing that could save her marriage, so blackmailed and guilted into it, pretty much), and financially it made their life difficult, but it was the right decision?!?

And the bit about being emotionally dependent...scary as heck. I don't want a stalker, or a hanger-on who needs help (ti.e. they need help that I am not qualified to give) I want an equal, who tries to acknowledge the patriarchy, and for all their failins is willing to work for a good relationship, but also realise when it doesn't work.

Anything less than that is short changing me, and I'd rather be single. Single may occasionally feel a bit lonely, but it can never hurt the way a lot of crap relationships do.

Bianca Reagan said...

Being a better wife entails much more than being accommodating to your husband when it comes to sex ... more than looking pretty ... more than cooking good meals, keeping a house in order and laundering his clothes.

It does? Oh well. I'm going to be a really sucky wife then.

The Red Queen said...

Yep- count me in the future sucky wife category (though I will probably never marry)

I once was in a relationship with a total asswipe who claimed his asswipishness was due to my nagging bossy ways. So I played dumb submissive girl for 6 months.You know what happened- he didn't stop being an asswipe.

sugarkatie said...

another so-called relationship expert who churns out garbage to make women feel inadequate and pathetic. there are so many books that prey on women's insecurities when it comes to building a relationship, but there are never books of the same kind for men. Men mainly cares about is sleep with as many women as possible (hence the pickup artist guide books). I am offended when i hear women are always the ones to blame when a relationship fails. The fact is, most men are jerks and are not mature and ready for a relationship. I'd rather be single too too than being in a relationship with a guy who treats me as less of an equal.